Chiko's Life Journey

2011-02-24T18:23:00.000+08:00

Its been so long since my last update. For 6 months i kept myself in the dark, away from anyone and away from love. But i began to realise that a minute spent brooding over a certain thing, its a minute of my happiness lost. Thats when i picked myself up and was lucky enough to get to know this amazing person. I wont reveal who but you know who you are. You made me laughed and smile so much eversince i came to know you. You made me feel happy and loved again after so long of being alone. Everything went so well between us initially, but.. Okay nvm. I just dont get why when im finally beginning to smile, be happy and love again, something's bound to happen and i'll lose you to someone else. I once told you that im not sure how long i'll be able to last in my current condition, but i hope my wait is worthwhile.

It hurts me seeing ur photos with him, your conversation with and everything which has relations to ur r/s with him. And i dont get why u still hang on so tight to him despite being hurt and emotionally toyed by him. I just wanna see u happy. If you are saying that you are happy, then all i could say is stop lying. You're like me, you keep your emotions and pain derp inside so no one could see it and get affected by it. We do all these so that we could see them smile. I know how hurt u are inside and i could understand why. But sometimes, our happiness is essential. You need to give up something to gain another. You cant have everyhting you ever wanted, at least not all.

Im sticking my grounds and madw my mind that im gonna wait for you no matter how much it hurts or how long it takes, cos i know if there's anyone that could make me smile and take care of me, its you..

2010-11-13T00:32:00.000+08:00

When I'm All I Need Now

Havent been updating for a few days already. Been super busy and tired with birthday celebrations, work and medical check-ups. Alot of things happened in the absence of my blogging. The highlight of the week was definitely my sister's 22nd birthday! went for a sumptious dinner and then to sing our asses off at a karaoke lounge, getting ourselves super high and ignoring all problems just for that particular time. other than the birthday celebration, sad to say, i've rejected 4 people who have confessed into loving/falling for me. the main reason is cause, i am not ready to fall in love.

okay now to you! i just got the time to come online and start to update certain things and just to look around. but it was a great disappointment when i saw what you wrote on your blog. i know is the kind of freedom to write anything on your blog, but i guess you shud have learned the real situation first before an accusation was made. well, in the first place, if i dont like you i wouldnt have hang out with you and showed you the real me (including my unglam side). and now you're saying that i was toying with your feelings? if you know me well, you wouldnt be saying that about me, cos i dont toy with feelings - i know how it hurts when people toys with feelings, thats why i dont do it. you were not the only one that i turned down. i turned 3 others down too, but we are still in talking terms and treating as if nothing happens. but why couldnt you be the same? i find it kind of impossible for you to fall so deep for me in just a couple of days. i believe in love at first sight, because thats for the superficial kind. but love in a couple of days, i would say i dont belief in that at all. took me several weeks, even more than a month to commit myself and be sure of my feelings towards my ex before. thats cos, i dont wanna hurt myself if i was unsure of the relationship. i just dont get you now. you seemed so much like a changed person. and oh, must i be the one texting you? why cant you text me instead? think about it okay. cos ur not alone in this world. dont just think of your pain, look at my pain too please.

well to the rest of the 3, im sorry but im just not ready to love and to commit myself to a relationship. You'll find someone better other than me. if its meant for us to be together, i'll definitely come back when fate sets the date. so cheer up guys, we'll remain good friends for now okays (:

2010-11-07T21:40:00.000+08:00

Im Disguised Under A Strong Outfront

Nobody could see how weak i actually am on the inside. Im disguised under a strong outfront that i showcase to everybody just not to affect their happiness and all. well, this is just me, the guy who thinks of others above himself. enough of my emotional life story. i just got my hair dyed today, payed my bills and there goes my pay. awaiting for thursday to come when i'll get my ipad! and for friday for the court case and my MRI scan. hopes nothing goes wrong. my sister(s) birthdays are coming soon! Tuesday is my older sister's 22nd birthday and Sunday my younger sister's 8th birthday! have not gotten them a birthday gift yet, but i will get it tomorrow! hehe. okay shall stop blogging and start studying for Social Studies paper tmr! Nights people!

2010-11-06T19:16:00.000+08:00

Where You Need Me, That's Where I'll Be

I know how much waiting hurts. Especially when you never know if what you are waiting for will eventually get to you or be owned by you. I cant promise you that i will be there at the end of the line of your waiting process. But what i know is that, i will be there in every step of the way, in every wrong you do and in every move you make. Im gonna be there to catch your fall, or to rain the drought. I'll be there through your ups and downs, through your weakness and strength and through your night and days. I'm still held back by those memories she made, and im still hurt by all she did. I'm really scared to love or be loved again, knowing that at one point of time, i'll be hurt again. I cant take another blow to my fragile heart. I have 3 people waiting for me, including you. I dont wanna hurt them, especially you after what you've done for me. Taking you in, i'll hurt the other two, and taking either one of them, i have to hurt you. Its something that most men would be egoistic about- being loved by so many at one point of time. But not me.. its a tough decision i've got to make, and i know i got to make this decision fast, and i promise i will. But for the mean time, lets just enjoy the times spent together, and build memories that we both will be fond of. Like i said, i could be there in everything you do and in every achievements you gain, thats the promise i'll make. I'm a man of words, i practice what i preech. Rest assured that the times spent with me wont be as limited. I'll make time for you despite my really tight schedule. Just promise me one thing, that you will never hurt yourself because of me. Im not worth your pain or your tears. Im gonna take everything into consideration cause im not gonna lose someone as special as you (:

2010-11-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

Just One Wish

Dear God, these 2 months and 24 days has been the hardest period that im facing throughout the 17 years of my life. I've had someone there for me in everything i do, supported me all along and took care of me for 17 months. Now that she's gone, im left alone and empty. I prayed for her happiness every night, and now my prayers came through- she found her happiness in another guy just 1 month after the break up. I'm not sure if I should be happy for her or sad that she could get over it this fast. I know i couldnt have everything i want, but if that something i want is what i need and is what could make me smile again, would you grant it to me? God, only you know how hard it would take for me to smile each day. You know how i was force to fake a smile just so everyone else around me could smile and be happy. All i ask for is someone who could be there for me in times of my ups and downs. Someone who could hold my hands and walk through a long narrow path even when she is aware that i dont know where we're heading. Someone who could cry along with me. Someone who could just smile at the simplest things i said. Someone who could ask me to shut up when i get noisy. Someone who could just stare blankly into my eyes. Someone who could do everything with me. Someone who i could call mine. That's all im asking for. Just for one person that you send down from up above to make me smile again. To accompany me till the day i close my eyes and stop breathing. I pray that you hear my prayers and grant me the chance to be whole again.

2010-10-02T00:01:00.000+08:00

Alone All Over Again

its been two days encounting that i dont hear news from you - no messages, no msn and no calls. right now im having a very strange feeling of loss. last night, i stayed up just to talk to you, but you didnt came online. i waited anxiously but nothing came around. its tough on me..it really is. im worried and im scared. i dont know whats going on. the feeling inside me is taking control of my whole body. i stopped smiling and i stopped laughing. and most importantly, i stopped being the person who gives his all in everything he do. i need someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. i need someone to walk through this period with me. i need someone who could just smile at me for no reason at all. i need someone like you. but where are you now? i want you back home so i'll be able to see you everyday. i want to see your smile.. i want to see you. arrgghhh... damn this feeling. i never felt this way for a very long time, and now its back. are you really leaving me in silence? are you walking away from me? or are you busy and dont really have time? haiz.. i miss you so much. just come back soon pls :/

2010-09-30T18:44:00.000+08:00

I'm Still Waiting Right Here For You

i woke up this morning thinking. i thought of everything - about you, about life and about my happiness. i lost every happiness when i lost my last love. but then after thorough thinking, i realised that you became my happiness eversince the first day i knew you. your smile, your laughter and your every words makes me smile. i miss you so much and im waiting for you to come back.

2010-09-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

Never Ending Possibilities

tonight, i read someone's blog. it urged me to update this really really dead blog of mine. its not gonna be filled with pictures but instead a really long and windy paragraphed blog post. this post is gonna cover minor details about what had happen in the absence of posting and also a message to that special someone. those of you who are loyal readers, then stay on..but if you're not, please move your cursor to the top right hand corner of the screen and click on the "X". Thank you

Well life moved on after several breakdowns pertaining to friends, family and work. nothing interesting really happened in my absence, except that im growing older by the day and i would require a longer resting time than i usually need. have no time at all to catch up with my loveable buddies - Mel, Kath, Sherv & Hidaya! im so gonna make time for us to hang out again like we always do. thanks to work, im missing you guys like crazy and longed for the laughter and joy that we would have despite our bad days.

next, bought myself a really really cool DSLR Panasonic Lumix G10! haha.. yes due to me being a camwhore freak, i needed a professional camera to take better pictures of myself! its cool to have the camera, but its not really cool when you have to pay a large sum just to get it! hmmphh.. just bought it but like i said, i have no time to actually use it as often as i would like to! i too just cut my hair. now look like a really cute boy boy, its a good thing infact. just that now, i look too young to get my cigarettes, damn! nothing much happened after that. just hoping that there'll be something interesting which will be happening soon.. oh ya! will be going to night safari for halloween and also universal studios singapore for a whacky time with my siblings.. yeaps. so looking forward to it.

now moving on to you (my special someone). it might be hard for you to gain your trust in me, maybe because of my past and my present condition. not forgetting our differences. your love journey was tough before and you're afraid of falling in love again, correct me if im wrong. im afraid of falling in love again too. but then again, when i shut my eyes - i saw you. i saw someone who made me smile and laugh just by the minor things you do. your smille lets me know that everything was going to be alright again. i was willing to make and take a chance in falling in love again, and i did. i grew to love you every single time we chat. i looked forward to seeing you online everyday. and i looked forward to knowing you better and seeing the real you. slowly i knew you well enough to be ready to start something between us. but because of trust that i have not gain, you didnt want to. i understand your current emotions and feelings, i dont blame you for it. i'll wait and i'll try to gain that trust no matter how hard it would be. and then, you were gone. you became absent from my life for several weeks, and i was crushed. i didnt want to pin hopes on us anymore, but then again, suddenly, you re-appear again. i was overwhelmed, happy and all the emotions into one. i thought to myself that finally it could work out. and then, you have to leave for Dubai due to work. eventhough you will not be there long, but every minute without you is like winter with no snow. i want you to know that my feelings for you are real and undying. im never gonna stop loving until the day you asked me to. i'll wait for you even if it means being single for a long period. meanwhile, take care of urself wherever you may be. my prayers will be for your safety and for your every happiness. i love you baby(:

2010-06-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

It Ended In A Glimpse

through those 15 months, i would have lied if i say i didnt love you. and i knew that everything went wrong because of me. if you recalled what i said since the beginning, you wont be posting what you've posted. maybe you forgot, but i told you that im not like other guys. i dont see a girl off, i dont pick her up from school, i dont talk to her when she cries on the phone and i dont do alot of things that other guys are willing to do for you. im sick of being someone i not, i just want to be myself. you accepted and love me for being this way but i dont know why your penning down such thoughts of me in your blog. you bought new heels just to match it with a dress for only one night, i appreciate that - i really do. i've built a strong reputation outfront to what others see, and i want others to see you in that light too. but beyond the eyes of others, we can be the ugliest couple and no one will care. you've paid for my meals several times on our date, thats because i was broke at that moment. but if you could recall the amount i spent to bring you around and to make every moment spent with you a special one, i guess its priceless, despite returning you every dime you spent. i tried my hardest trying to be everything you wanted, but i guess im not. the call i made the other day was sincere and without hesitation. i meant what i said. but then i came to realise after, that i dont want to be standing in your way. i read your blog too about wanting me to move on and letting others into my life to make me smile again. why say these words when you trusted and have faith in the relationship too right. i dont blame you for saying all these, cos' i brought it upon myself. but it just gets me really sad when you said all those things in your blog. it wasnt as if i didnt try to be your everything, try to be there for you in every minute of every hour or just try to be loved. if a man admits to being human you should forgive him because he finally realised his mistakes and wants to make everything right again. but if you dont, i would understand. everyday i wake up to seeing your photos, your letters and the CHIP you gave me. its gonna be hard for me to move on from the thought of you. but im gonna try. like how i did try to be everything you need. so from now on, i need you to just smile at every minute you've spent with me. you'll find someone better than me in the near future. and i wish you happiness and all the love that the world could offer. i love you and always will

2010-06-06T09:35:00.000+08:00

I'll Never Leave You, Again

you were sad last night, i knew even without you calling. you called to hear my voice and wants to hold on tight to the relationship. if you think that i was out enjoying myself last night, you were wrong. i was at my grandmother's house. i dont want us to end this way too, but who says we're ending it? your mum has not said anything or give comments about whats going to happen to this relationship. and whatever decision she makes, im going to stand by her because i know she's doing it for your own good. and if her decision is to not let you see me again, then we dont have to meet. cos' we can always webcam! we'll find other ways of meeting because i know how much i mean to you and vice-versa. but you have to promise that you're going to pick up ur studies, cos im not going to throw away 15 months of relationship. we went through so much already. this will just be another challenge that we will definnitely go through. dont worry, we'll do fine. as long as i do my part and you do yours to keep this realationship going (:

2010-05-23T21:49:00.000+08:00

Counting Down My Minutes

tonight, it'll be exactly 1 week before you leave for Cambodia. I wanna spend the entire of next week with you. but then my schedule is too pack. im trying to find time for you, and i will. my worries sets in more and more as it draws near to your departure. eventhough your trip there is for only a few days, i'll be lonely. im going to be spending my time at work just thinking about you.. your condition and your health. i know that you're a grown girl already, but in my eyes, you'll always be that demure young girl who will always be blur at things. im going to be praying for your health all the time. i love you bb

2010-05-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

I'M STILL THAT SAME PERSON

on every 10th of the month, i will start thinking 'hey shit! the 18th is coming already!' and i will start planning for our coming anniversary. that is something that you dont know. and until now the number 18th is still a very very significant date that will always be etched in my mind. if you think that i dont remember tomorrow, you're wrong. i've been thinking about it for days, no matter how busy or occupied i am. the presence of the small one would never change how i look at you or the way i treat you neither will it change my feelings towards you. im still that same guy you first met and called ungentlemen. i still remember the smallest things you did for me. im not a changed person, but im a grown person. i understand the world better being with you. i know how much it envies you having my attention drawn to only that small one. but if you could see through this brain of mine, you would be able to see that he's not the only one there. you are there too, every second, every minute, every hour and every day of my life. i told you once that i cant be physically with you all the time, because of my tight schedule. that's because im there with you in your heart and i'll never leave. i cant promise you happiness in every day of your life. i wont give you the ocean, because it will eventually dries up. i wont give you the stars, because eventually it will burn out. i wont give you the mountains, because it will eventually crumble down. i wont give you so many things and the things that you want. but i can assure you that i will give you something that means more than anything and that is my everlasting, undying and selfless love to you. my hands is yours to hold. my love is yours to keep. you make me smile even when you are at your silliest state. you dont have to change yourself for me because i fell in love with that girl who talks so loud even when im next to you. that girl gets everyone attention with the words she says. that girl will never fail to be a part of me. im not that dream guy that every girl yearns for. im not that 'justin bieber', 'zac effron' kind of guy that you would adore. im just me. chiko by himself. i dont want to change myself to be with you. im not gonna put a mask on everytime im with you. because i knew you fell for that chiko who is stupid, annoying, irritating, but yet selfless. because i wouldnt be me without you. and i want you to know that everything happens for a reason, you're the main reason why love happens. happy 14th month girl. and i hope that you would accept the presence of that young boy because, you and him is all i have left. and i wouldnt lose one for the other. i love you girl

2010-04-28T21:01:00.003+08:00

Its Your Smiles And Laughters That I'm Dying For

Hey bb! I know you've been really down lately, and maybe i've not tried my best to cheer you up. Been cracking my brain, thinking what i can do or say just to make you smile. But i guess, those problems of yours is causing a really great impact on you. See the video above? Remember at the chalet i keep pressing Record and you keep pressing Stop? Haha see how happy you were :) Cheer up soon alright! I am and always will be right here for you.
I Love You :)

Here are the rest of the videos! :

I hope after watching the videos, you might smile haha.
And sry for being noisy in the last video, I ruin the whole thing! :P

SMILE, BABY :)

2010-04-23T18:18:00.000+08:00

Something About You That

Keeps Me Coming Back For More

somehow i knew, before i decided to voyage on the journey of you and me, that love will hurt. and now it really does. but im still hanging on ever so tightly even thought it hurt me so deeply. yes, its really ironic that we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, love the ones that hurt us and hurt the ones that love us. i admit i did that. but after hurting the one i love, i get hurt too. now that to me is love. i feel your pain, cry your tears, smile your smile and laugh your laughter. im everything that you are and your the world all by yourself. when it comes to relationship, i would fall, hurt myself and never want to love again. but this change when i found you 13 months back. i never wanted to love again, but i did. the feelings was something to be celebrated but the pain of loving is something that i wanna release. when i asked you to name me one thing that is mine that belongs to you, you answered my heart. it left me speechless for a couple of minute cos' it never came across my mind that there was something of me that has always been with you. im dumb for letting that slip my mind. im dumb for asking such a stupid question and i'm dumb for not reacting to you answer. on sunday, something happened between us. a chemistry we have never felt before. having you lying down sleeping in the same room as me. waking up to your smile and the touch of your hand. something else happened between us- i admit it was my mistake and it will never happen again. it felt so wrong yet it felt so right. everynight before i close my eyes to sleep, i thought of you and what happened. i'll smile but then the next thing that came to my mind is SHIT, WHAT HAVE I DONE! it re-occurs every night in my head. we fought a few days back about something that i do without telling you and have been treating you cold for several times. but you know me well enough that if suddenly i treated you cold, there is something wrong or a problem that im going through. and i'm not the type of person that likes sharing about my problems, even to my closest. and i hope you understand.

yesterday you told me that you failed your physics. i got angry at myself and blamed myself for not helping you with your studies. i blame myself for letting you play too much. i got angry at myself that i started smoking heavily again. but when i calmed down and message you to try and work things out, you treated me so cold. i dont know what to do. i spend the whole day at work staring at my computer and doing typically nothing because all that is in my head is you. everything i do every word i type, i think of you. you didnt text me the whole day today. and im afraid to text you because i know what you are feeling right now. but why is this happening to us? didn't we use to be so close and so loving. what happened? im still searching for the answer and i hope i'll find it soon.

i love you so much and i dont want to lose you the way i did previously

2010-04-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

It Was You I Think About Every Minute

its my fault that you and me now are worlds apart. we dont talk, sms or meet up as often now as we did before- all because of my busy busy schedule. it may seem that i focus alot on my work and other things, but at the back of my mind, it was you i think about. just a few days back you said you were going to Cambodia next month, mummy allow you to go but im hesitant. i really dont want you to go at the same time i dont want to be a hindrance to your world. i have no choice but to let myself worry about you for 1 week. my heart feels so heavy. but none the less, i want you to be happy. one more week till i get to spend 3 nights with you. im looking forward to meeting you and celebrating my birthday and also our 13th month together. love ya babe!

2010-03-19T22:19:00.000+08:00

When There Was Me And You

yes! we finally made it. bb and me finally made it to our one year anniversary yesterday. and i dare say that it was such a happening night celebrating it with her. in addition, she looked like an angel in that white dress she wore but became a devil when she suddenly said cheebai! haha, i still love her though!

nothing much happened this week, except for my company shifting office. so it became hectic and work load was piled up till today. reached home at 9.20pm! wah siao. meeting bb tomorrow morning for breakfast i think. if i dont oversleep and she dont fall asleep!! hehe.. looking forward to sunday coz im able to spend the whole morning in bed. oh i forgot, i cracked my back and sprained it again carrying some heavy stuff during the shifting of offices. it hurts extremely bad now. and nobody cares about me either.. i have god-siblings who doesnt take bother about me at all..haiz

2010-03-14T17:06:00.000+08:00

When My Beginning Was In You

things went awfully wrong the previous week. fought with bb three days in a row. something which never happened before. but everything's okay now. fought about the silliest things one could ever think of. its the 14th march today and that means 4 more days to our 1 year anniversary. wow! we've been through so much and yes, i am proud of that little lad who never fails to put a smile on my face. im planning something super amazing which i hope will work out really really well! and also hope that the weather on thusday wont be so hot or even rain.. my prayers would be answered by god, hopefully. other than this upcoming anniversary, i would have tons of work to complete at work as my company is shifting to a new office, which means bigger space and bigger room to play! hahaha... office is now under renovation i think so will only move to the new office on wednesday! haha jam packed i think...

2010-03-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

I Need More Than A Miracle

nothing happened the past few days. just work work and more work. really nothing much to update. right now my head hurt so much.. headache!! arrgghh.. my vision is getting blur too (maybe im tired) and im sweating alot. work again tomorrow... seriously i have no life. its work and back home every single day! now i know how charles (stitch) feels. hahaha.. 2nd of march today, 16 more days to my big bang anniversary with JULIE! planning to make it really special and make it really something that i will bring with me through life! yay yay yay! cant wait.. hmm lets see.. i got nothing on my mind now. totally blank. as you can see that ive been 'hahaha-ing' throughout this blog post, so somebody better bring up something or do something stupid for me to blog about. any volunteers?

2010-02-16T18:24:00.000+08:00

I'm Blown Away By What I Saw

i spend the whole day watching movies and facebook-ing. i finally saw myself being a no life kind of guy or even worse, a couch potato. watched all kind of shows and ate all kind of things. if i carry on going like this, i'll get fatter and lazier in no time. gonna hit the gym this saturday (i hope) and looking forward to going out with my girl-friend and boy-friend! and and and i want to go to marina barriage with them to look at the city skyline admist great friendship! i miss them so much!! hahaha. alright starting work again tomorrow, which i feel super super lazy to go work sia! there's gonna be so much work tomorrow to do..but im gonna be dragging my ass to work. blog soon

2010-02-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

Your Absence In My Presence

alright, its valentine's day today! yay, but im leaving for malaysia in 6 hours time. which means i have to leave bb again. im feeling very guilty because i have to always leave her on every special occasion. im sorry bb! i have to leave due to some reasons. i'll make it up. these past few days were really really busy for me. i dont even have time for myself. i had to even result to studying and revising maths during work hours in my office. that's how busy i am. my handphone is giving me alot of problems. all my contacts are gone! argghh... and it keep shutting on and off. dont you find that irritating?!

many things dont seem right for me now. i dont even recognise myself when i look in the mirror. many things play in my head from the minute i wake up to the minute i fall asleep. im in a whirlwind trying to figure things out and making everything fall into place. i need someone to talk to super badly and yet, i dont think anybody cares. i need someone to be that listening ear. eventhough that person is not able to help in anyway, the least he/she could do is just listen to my problems. thats all i need. i want to be happy and smile a natural smile, not one which i have to fake every single day. i feel plastic having to have done all those. i did it so it wont affect the people around me.

Malaysia later in the morning, i hope it would be something which i can look forward to. make me smile and ease my pain and burden. clubbing is gonna be a sure thing when im there. i want to smile again. someone please help!

2010-02-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

hello dudes & dudettes!

nothing much happened lately. just been busy with work work and more work. so i had no time to update my personal blog. well the main highlight this week so far was me getting caught smoking by my mum. she scold scold alot. but i guess i know how she feels. i've disappointed her alot this time. i got my pay, spend alot on cigarette and myself, but not helping her with paying the housing bills. the burden was on her and yet i've placed more burden on her shoulder. i know my mistake now and im determined to change. sorry mum!

i wont be updating much after this post cos' im gonna be working through the CNY holidays! haha and it will be at McCafe, yay i miss that place! hmmm furthermore there is another blog just for me and julie - so far it seems like its a conversation blog for me and julie, not a blog to express how we feel. but i think its a good idea to have this blog. so yeah, feel free to have a look at the blog that I edited. hahah

http://journeyofyouandme.blogpsot.com

2010-02-02T21:58:00.000+08:00

The Light Through My Darkest Night

last night i talked on the phone with bb after a period of not hearing her voice. it started off well, i must say. but ended kind of rough, which i admit was my fault. i kept something from her since august and i felt guilty for keeping it, so i told her (fearing and knowing it will disappoint her, and it did). as i guessed, her reaction was what i had expected. i knew she wasn't ready to know it yet, but im glad i got it out of my system. bb, i want you to know that the existance of the 'him' would not change how much i love you. he may take part of my feeling of miss from you, and also some time-spending with you, but rest assured he will never replace you. this feeling is a hard one to fight, and what i'm feeling you might not understand. im prepared to go through it all, and im sure you will too after some time. typing this blog post images of you and him flashes and plays through my mind. i miss the both of you so much!

im looking forward to friday to meet you and spend time with you. i tried making time to look for the black dress, but i had no time, sorry! you shud spend some time looking for it too uhh..

okay about today! work was pure madness with lots of thing to do and key into the system. half the time of me working i was hungry and listening to music, mind you its an office job. i was damn damn sleepy too till i had to take 3 cups of coffee!! should sleep early tonight, but i guess i wont. i have to reply tones of emails! so shall blog again tmr, toodles!

2010-01-31T23:27:00.000+08:00

When My World Was All About You

its been ages since i last blogged about anything.basically nothing much happened lately. gonna try to summarize everything as short as possible, so here goes!

December:

- Countdown with bb by the beach!

January:

got a job offer and currently working at Airport Cargo Complex as a customer service officer cum data entry clerk! haha. o levels results day sucked alot for me. scored 29 points and decided to retake as private candidate. mum and dad was not angry but instead happy for me that at least i passed! hmmm.. this month is also a month that i spent my last day in Coral NPCC as a unit instructor. i had to focus on something else so i think its time i moved on. will be dropping by once in a while when im free to see the fruits of my labour! went to Hong Kong for 1 and a half week for vacation with family. spent alot there that went back to Singapore broke with no money at all. it was fun fun fun and i want to go there again. photos had been uploaded on my facebook so feel free to look at it. other than that nothing much happened.

okay for today's post. went to grandma house to send her some stuff and to eat lunch! haha.. played around with my baby cousins for a few hours and then left. reached home and went to cut my hair, which im loving alot! haha. received a message from bb saying that she's at the petrol kiosk near my house, haha shocking but we didnt get a chance to meet. it feels like we havent met each other for ages and i miss her alot!! and now im back home blogging. got work tomorrow and have to wake up early. im looking forward to meeting bb and yuan yi to celebrate his birthday. and also looking forward to meeting BFFs - melissa and shervin! i miss the both of them so much and we have not comepleted our christmas exchange! haaha.

gonna have a birthday chalet and the people that MUST be there is bb- Julie Chua, best brother- Ho YuanYi, BFFs- Melissa & Shervin, Best Friend- Liyana Athirah, Kor/Mei- Tan Chuan Yong & Cheryl Lee and all others who treats me as a friend(: will update on the birthday chalet again!! hahah

thats all for today! haha update soon.

2009-12-21T21:10:00.001+08:00

I hope you dont mind, but i'm missing you.. Hope you're doing fine on your side :)

From : You know who i am. X

2009-12-18T17:03:00.000+08:00

The Past Still Haunts Me

i was scrolling through the folders in my computer when i found something interesting. it was the conversation of my arguments with my ex. looking through it actually brings back bitter-sweet memories. have a look !

Julie. says:

?leave you?

?i cant do it..

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?apologise to joyce for asking me to be with her since i tell her everything

?its not her fault

Julie. says:

?i know it's not her fault.

?i nvr blame her for anything.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?if it really is fate tht brought us together, we will be together again

?but for now

Julie. says:

?you know how i feels like being the last to know everything abt you?

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?take care of urself

Julie. says:

?you'll never be back again, i know you wont..

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?im here if u need someone to talk to

Julie. says:

?you're not here.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?im here to be tht shoulder u cry on

?for now, im gone

Julie. says:

?what abt now?

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?u have alot of ppl chasing after u

Julie. says:

?i dont.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?give them a chance

Julie. says:

?i only want you.

?i only want izwan.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?u cant have me anymore

Julie. says:

?why cant i?

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?i wont be there

Julie. says:

?we can solve this problem.

?every couple quarrels.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?not for now

Julie. says:

?give me one more chance..

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?i dont want to be hurt again

?im still trying to pick myself up

Julie. says:

?you're not the only one hurt.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?but everytime i do, i fall again

Julie. says:

?you love someone else.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?nope.

?right now, love is just another word in my vocab

Julie. says:

?you love someone else, not me.

?you never love me.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?take care of urself

Julie. says:

?i love you..

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?Wong is dead

Julie. says:

?you're not.

?i'll make you alive again ??

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?not for now

?not anymore

?take care

?im only a phonecall away

?and a text away

Julie. says:

?why is it when there's a girl who love you so much but you wont take her?

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?becoz tht girl broke his heart into a million pieces

?im sorry

Julie. says:

?she'll buy a million scotch tape to tape it, even if the heart wont be perfect, she'll make him the happiest boy in the world.

Wong™ : why does it always happen to me! says:

?take care

2009-12-17T00:26:00.000+08:00

The Ones Whom Made My Day

these are the people who made my day- not only today, but every other day of the week. they might seem like the normal type of people, but they are a bunch of wackos who makes me forget about all my problems in their company. seeing them smile makes me smile and hearing them laugh makes me laugh too. being around them makes me feel and ensure me that everything was going to be alright, even though at that point of time its not. we met up today after one week of not meeting each other. it was filled with hugs, kisses and also near-tears greetings the minute we met. how much i miss them is not countable with any source of measurements. these three people were the one that talk me through my problems, hearing my problems and complaints and at the same time being the one to push me to be my greatest. around them, i don't have to pretend to be someone i'm not. i'm comfortable being the stupid me and the clumsy person who always bang into pillar! today we also had our Christmas Exchange since some of us are not going to be in Singapore. i gave them all a present and got one from my 'boyfriend'. he bought me a t-shirt from Levi's Signature in exchange for a Cotton On polo tee i bought him. somehow i was quite happy that he bought me a t-shirt because i have NO t-shirt. thanks boyfriend! hehe and the others will give me my present after christmas. im so looking forward for it!

2009-12-06T14:55:00.000+08:00

:) Love ya.

2009-11-29T20:18:00.000+08:00

You Were The Glass That Cut Me

now you're talking aboutmy facebook profile. bb, if you actually recalled on the day of my prom, you asked me to enjoy myself and forget about you. but do you think i actually did that? i didn't. i never forgot about you every single minute of the prom. throughout the whole prom, i felt as if that i was missing you. i had to hide my sorrows beneath a fake smile that i had to display just to make sure everyone else wasn't affected by it. when i took the picture with her, it didn't mean anything. nothing of the sort which you were thinking. me and her are just frends. maybe you got jealous because she place her hands on my lap? hey, you should know well enough, more than others, that my friends and me are very close to one another. i thought you could understand that prom was my night to let loose of all the stress i was going through. even when i was having dinner, i spoke about you to my friend. even when i was taking a puff of my cigarettes, i asked my friend if it was a mistake for me to react so vividly after reading that message from yt. you were my topic of the night. even when the dancefloor opened for us, every song played was the song that i once sang to you through the phone. everything at prom just remind me of you. do you think it was easy to forget you even for a minute? after this post i really hope you do understand how important and significant you are to me. and FYI, i never got jealous of your photos with guys and when you talked about ur guy friends and ex. the only reason was because deep down inside, i somehow know that im the only one that you will be thinking of day and night, and even in your dreams. if the photos have affected you in anyway, im sorry.

2009-11-28T00:35:00.000+08:00

You Carved A Smile On My Face

this guy in the picture above, finally put a smile on my face. after what i went through in life at this crucial period of time, he managed to at least make me smile even for just a few minutes. after his absence in my life for a few weeks, maybe nearly a month, he came back with an ever so caring and loving attitude. i just hope that this care and concern that he have towards me would stay and last throughout our brotherhood.

i love you bro!

2009-11-24T22:27:00.000+08:00

The Melody I Once Heard

You Sang

yesterday i went out with bb, to catch a movie. we watched AstroBoy! hehe a damn damn cute show. but at the same time damn sad and touching. hmm, bb leaned on me throughout the entire movie. sweet right! haha after the movie, we went to find Shervin and Roy at the Pasir Ris East CC basketball court. hmm, but somehow something happened. i dont know, i guess it was not suppose to happen but it did. i checked through bb messages since i was damn bored.

but i saw a message from that guy, he used to be a friend whom i shared so much with. it got me furious mad, but i held it inside. i carry on looking through the mesages uhh, and worst, there was still messages from that guy, asking my girlfriend out since he was bored. what was that guy thinking? that really really mad me super angry that i became breatheless. could you imagine how i feel? bb tried explaining, i just kept quiet not wanting to start a fight. but deep down inside, i was so damn bloody hurt. i was hurt so much that i felt like crying there and then. bb sent me home. after she left, i started punching and kicking the wall to vend my anger. i just didn't tell bb about it. i spoke to a few people about it. i guess, if bb loves me she definitely knows wat to do. the melody i once heard bb sang, is still humming in my head every single night. as i close my eyes and lye on my bed, images of us, the perfect us, ran through my mind. am i still able to hear the melody you sang?

to that guy, you know who you are. i just hope u limit your communications with her. not because i feel insecure having you messaging her, but its because you're a hindrance to my relationship.

2009-11-20T23:20:00.000+08:00

What I Truly Feel Inside

this post is for a very special friend whom i treat alot like my own brother. you were the one person who could understand how i truly feel inside. to know my flaws and to know me like nobody else could. and even more, i knew the same about you. at one period of time, you were the one person i shared EVERYTHING with and let out all my stress to. we became closer through the years that we knew each other. but then suddenly, after our last conversation on msn and on the phone, you seized all communications with me. when i asked you out, you were always busy with something. when i chatted with you on msn, you never bothered replying my chats. when i sms-ed you, you never replied. its not once or twice that this goes one, but it went on concurrently. i just want to know what do you actually treat me like. maybe a toy or a teddy bear when you only go to when you are down? and what happened to the promises that you made to me, are you gonna fulfil it? you may say that i am sensitive, but i guess everyone would be if they were in my shoes. haiz..i just hope u find your true self and look at it from my point of view.

2009-11-20T22:52:00.003+08:00

I love you more that every freaking thing

Hi everyone! Hi baby! Sorry for not blogging here for awhile. Two days ago was me and baby's 8th month anniversary :) He made me a video which really really touched me alot. Thank you bb! I've been fetching bb from work for the past few days and went around with him to get a new job cos his current job very little $$ haha. Oh ya and today, we played car racing @ arcade together and..... i won the second round! Super happy ok :D :D :D Hahaha dear i must tell the whole world! Oh well, wont be seeing baby for the next 2 days but i hope i can see him on monday! Haha love you bb :)

2009-11-16T19:16:00.002+08:00

Julie's unlucky day

Today, i woke up at 6. But you know dear, i see the maid's face a feel like sleeping again so i slept till 7 hehe. Oh oh on the way down the staircase, i scratched my ankle!! Alot of blood you know, aint you going to sayang me? :( In school, my classmates and i baked lots and lots and lots of muffin for the Open house for tomorrow and wed but most chaoda especially the last one, totally black colour! I should have brought my apron lor, my skirt become white and my shirt has lots of butter on it :( Sighhhhhhhh. I stand like from 10 till 3 you know!! So tiring. Then i keep washing dishes alsoooo, hands become rough already! But Ms Siti treat us to KFC hahahha. And you know after the baking thing, i went to ask vp to return your ring. She talk until so many craps and yadidadadadada argh whatever la, just fuck her man hahahhaa. Then at interchange right, i realised that i left my card holder which have my ezlink card + money in the home econs roooooom :( Lucky i got $1 in my pocket, can take bus home. BB MY DAY SUCK RIGHT!!! I suay or whattttttttt :(

2009-11-14T22:27:00.006+08:00

Baby i'm missing you so badly now. I miss how you'd poke my stomach randomly. I miss how you'd laugh at my silly actions. I miss how we'll have little arguments but laugh at each other at the end. I miss how you'd ask me questions. I miss how you'd correct my english. I miss how you'd call me lazy. I miss how you'd complain that you're hungry. I miss how you'd say that he like that pants or shirt or jacket. I miss how you'd say that you saw a chiobu. I miss how you'd say "You wanna bet anot?" I miss how you'd smile and say "Lets see how long you can tahan" when i say i dont want to talk to you anymore. I miss how you'd laugh when i couldnt tahan when it's barely a minute. I miss how you'd send butterflies in my stomach each time you touch my waist. I miss how you'd run and hug me when i'm not looking. I miss how you'd hold my hands when we're sitting on the bus. I miss all the goodbye kisses we give each other. I miss how my heart beats extremely fast when i'm with you. I miss how you'd laugh at my staggered words. There's a million things that i miss about you but you know how lazy i am baby :) I really miss you..

2009-11-14T17:31:00.004+08:00

I'm happy to be by your side

Baby, i know you're feeling down right now so i posted the picture above and i hope you'll smile after seeing it! :D Yesterday, i sent this sweet baby to work after my sushi making with my class! Then i went home, fetched my sis and went back and waited for him secretly for 1h hahah. I keep hiding so he cantsee me! :D Then i called him and asked him to turn around. He kept calling me crazy for fetching him and stuff haha. I enjoyed last night so much. I felt so myself being with you :) We laughed at each other and joked around. Hahaha man i wish everyday's like that. Oh ya, i accompanied him back and we went to buy a birthday cake for his sister. Barbie doll one hahah we keep laughing non-stop. Stupid boy keep bullying me! But i still love you ^^
Oh well one last thing, happy birthday Myra!!! :D

2009-11-12T22:27:00.002+08:00

Thoughts of you keep running through my mind

Sorry i dint blog for him yesterday! Ok so, last night, baby was damn sick :( Luckily, he recovered abit and only had flu today. Today is baby's first day of work :) I guess he enjoyed it as he told me that the four hours flew by very fast. He still say all the tea or coffee making very easy, no need much memorising haha! Hmmmmm ok so, after his work, he went for dinner with his family to celebrate his sister's belated birthday. And his younger sister's birthday is this Saturday but he feel like crying cos he's short of $$! :P Haha ok that's all, bye! I love you baby :)

2009-11-10T20:38:00.005+08:00

Chip and Dale is like You and Me

Updating for this lazybum again. Haha i think i'll just automatically update his blog everyday without him asking me :D Today, after my training and his paper, we met and he went back home to change his clothes yadidada. Then we head down to Tampines to look for jobs, for him ^^ He keep apply here and there haha but finally he found one already and will be starting this thursday! Whooohoo, clap clap for my baby! Oh ya, halfway through, y square joined us too. That stupid lightbulb hmph! Haha kidding la :) We ate mac for lunch and went home after that :D Oh and opps, tmr's his last paper, not today haha. Jiayou ok baby! And we're not talking on the phone right noww, i'm missing you so much hun :( Better call me sooon ah! Love you <3

2009-11-09T21:22:00.005+08:00

This is in red, large font and centered!

Hiiii i've come to update for my baby again. HI BABY! I KNOW YOU'RE READING THISSS. Today is his older sister's 21st birthday! We've gotten her a cake and this silly boy put a huge "From Julie & Chiko" in the middle of the cake that his sister asked : "Is it my birthday, or Julie's?" Haha! My darling boy is retaking his mother tongue paper tmr, which is that last paper! Lets wish him luck ok ok ok? I'm going to meet him after his paper too! Whoohoooo finally. I have to remember to get him Green tea haha :D Btw, he say he dont want his job already cos he dont wanna memorise the menu! Hmph what a lazy boy right. Haha and i'm on the phone with him right now ^^ Bye bye!

2009-11-07T02:21:00.004+08:00

Whatever happened tonight, dale and i still love you and chip! :)
Ahem i'm waiting for the 9 months! hehe. Sleep tight now, my babyboyyyyy.
Mwacks mwacks mwacks! <3

P.S I love youuuuuuuuuuuu ^^

2009-11-07T00:03:00.001+08:00

Hi hi hi hi hi! Im Julie, he's most awesome girlfriend! Hahaha. My baby's not gonna update cos he cant upload photos from his noob phone to my great laptop! So i'll update for him :D He's on the phone with me now, listening to class 95, listening to a sweet song- Heaven knows! His brother's trying to sleep and he's there singing haha. Now he's dragging his mattress into his mum's room. Okkkk i dont know what to type but i'm trying to make this post look longggggg! 12 more days to our 8th month, proud of us anot! We made it this far hehe ^^ I miss you soooooooooo much babyboy! When can we meet? :( Oh ya! My darling also found a job! Hip hip hooray for him! :D But it also means he'll spend lesser time with me so, boohoo for me :( But nvm la, he'll earn $$ and bring me out to eat right! Lets hope he wont spend the money on his shopping sprees :P Hmph! He also say the manager very pretty, 1000000000000x prettier than me, whatever la dear!! I still treat you the best hahahaa :3 Bb cant seem to connect the laptop to his broadband, aww man :( Nvm i'll wait ok hun! hehe. Love you love you love you! ^^

2009-10-30T19:25:00.000+08:00

The Sufferring Hurts

my attempt to quit smoking is really putting me in so much pain. every now and then i will be having a splitting headache and my throat would be super itchy. i find myself eating more than usual. but i know all these that im going through is for a really god cause. another thing is that there is something freakingly stucked in my throat. i could feel it in there which hurts my throat alot too. tried every means to get it out but it wont budge. what the hell am i suppose to do! argghh!!

2009-10-30T15:44:00.000+08:00

The Minute I'm Here Alone

my day never seemed so bored before. today i woke up around 11.45am only to find 17 missed calls and 7 new messages. i dont know why but it seemed so surreal that people are suddenly looking for me today - to go for study dates. right now is 3.39pm and i have not started studying or doing any revision. im planning to complete my art sketches by tonight and also the layouts. tomorrow gonna revise for social studies. just a brief read through of ALL the chapters learnt. Sunday gonna do another read through of social studies and complete the colour scheme. and on monday im just gonna do some final touches for my art prepotary board afer the papers on Monday. argghh stress is building in me but i have not done anything to over power it. this sucks. its just gonna last awhile more and then i could start relaxing! tahan a few more days!!!

2009-10-28T21:59:00.002+08:00

The Beat Never Skips When You're Around

i saw you in school just now and my heart stopped beating for a moment. it stopped because the girl i love walked past me and smile. it made me feel as if we were in our early days before we were together. it made the relatonship felt refreshed, but then again when thought over it, it felt so cold and harsh. my heart sank at the same time. but why are we acting like this again. the cold treatment? i dont know. but all i know is that you are the first and last person i think about each day!

A special shoutout to my friend:
CHARLES 'STITCH' WONG
i know your birthday is tomorrow, but i might not be able to wish you on time,
so let me just wish you via cyber means in other words through my blog!
a realy huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY! may all that you ever wish for be attained and
may happiness comes your way always! all the best to your idol journey and succeed all the way!
once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2009-10-27T23:32:00.001+08:00

I Need A Girl

* who talks to me into the wee hours of the morning *

* who smiles reading the messages that i sent *

* who never fails to keep me smiling *

* who treats me not only as a BF but also a friend *

* who shares with me all her problems *

* who is willing to travel the miles just to meet me *

* who hurls vulgarities at me knowing that i know she's kidding *

* who dresses up just for me *

* who is willing to spend time with me even when she's not free *

* who visits me at home when im sick *

* who treasures me and love me for who i am *

* who turns me down when i'm wrong*

* who be herself to be with me *

Are you still that girl that i'm looking for, or are you part of what i call perfection?

i hope that you are who you are to be who i am

2009-10-22T23:18:00.004+08:00

What I Really Want Is You

"I wish everyone could experience true love; the feeling of being so physically and emotionally wrapped around someone who treats you like your the most amazing thing in the world. Someone who calls you back after they say goodbye because they just want to hear your voice again. Someone who unexpectedly shows up at your house when you’re sick to give you roses and a feel-better kiss. Someone who tells you they love you and that they will always be there and sticks to their word. Someone who kisses you not only on your lips but on your nose, forehead, and cheek as well. Someone who sees you as a real person with real feelings and not as a sex object. Someone who runs up to you, picks you up and spins you around. Someone who grabs your hand, looks into your eyes and says “I want to be with you for the rest of my life”. Someone who can give you butterflies just by touching your hand. Someone who loves you for who you are."

2009-10-22T14:33:00.000+08:00

Make Me Or Break Me

today we had our O'levels SPA examination. well basically the Physics was quite a killer because instead of a positive gradient, they tested us on a negative gradient! the first time i saw the question, my reaction was 'WTF!'. yes, if only you were in my shoes then you would understand why. Chemistry practical was do-able. overall i am contented at my attempt for the practical exam. hopefully its a pass with distinction. one down, few more papers to go. concentrating on english and maths now! woots! so far im really really HAPPY!

2009-10-21T19:51:00.000+08:00

The Day Songs Play In My Head

Recorded a few song covers. click the link below to hear it.

http://www.facebook.com/wongzhongjie?ref=profile#/video/?id=1639367657

tell me what you think about it on my facebook wall or my blog tagboard!

thanks(:

2009-10-19T16:44:00.000+08:00

Does It Matter Anymore

i dont know why but i spent my whole day smoking while mugging! hmm been mugging for awhile now, so i stopped and blog. well the other reason why stopped mugging was because right now i feel that the world and things around me is spinning really fast. i could harly stand without having to sit again. im having such a giddy head. arghh..how to continue mugging?! im just gonna rest my head for awhile and continue mugging. i swear i will stop smoking soon. especially before O's coz my head hurts so much right now! tomorrow Mr Sufyan having chem class so im going to go for sure. cya

2009-10-19T13:14:00.000+08:00

Was It Me Who Thought You

The True Meaning Of Love?

why does this question keep replaying in my head? i really have no answer to that. but then i kept thinking of it. if it was really me, then why do quarrels and arguements happen to us all the time. today, i woke up in the morning and the first person i chatted to was you. you were the first person today that i talked to on the phone. furthermore, we web-cammed! but through all our conversation this morning, it was all about YinTong. why? does he play a very significant role in our relationship, i doubt so. it was all 'yintong did this and this happened to him'. the truth is, it doesnt interest me in anyway. i played along as i didnt want to spark an arguement, but i really am disappointed that he does mean so much to you - im not sure if he means more than me. as a guy, ofcourse i do feel the jealousy and the envy - moreover, he was your ex. the guy whom had stood by you in yor good times and bad. but wasn't i there too to comfort you in your bad times, and to share all your good times with you. but why more of him than me? is he really that special that most of our conversation revolves around him? i dont know, you answer that question. i used to treat him like a brother, but since he treated me so cold and seldom reply to my text/msn, i came to a conclusion that i meant nothing to him, not even a friend. so why do i have to give in to the guy whom knew how envious i was to the surroundings but still carried on doing so. i watched you through web-cam as you chatted with him on msn. you said he was a boring person to talk to, but i saw smiles and laughter as you do so. i kept thinking if i was standing in a way of a, maybe, happy couple. am i just a third party in something that could make my loved one smile. i never thought my mood would be so dempened by this incident. i never spoke to you about it because i dont want your friendship to come to an end because of me. im not those type of guys who would go ahead and pull the third party down if i felt that my relationship is threatened. instead, i would see how much my loved one response to his actions and slowly let go if i see her ever so happy being with him. i loved you alot and much more than before. i began to treasure you knnowing how much i would suffer without you there with me. every statement or line that i wrote in my blog, it's filled with but(s). would it still be forever if this carried on? i dont know. you decide!

meanwhile, let me just sit alone in my room with just books and revision and forget about it.

2009-10-16T10:03:00.000+08:00

The Journey Of You And Me

nothing beats the feeling of having you next to me. its the 16th October today. 2 more days to our 7th month anniversary. im looking forward to it. even though so much had happen to us the past few weeks, but i guess that it makes us learn about our mistakes and the strengths of each other. wacthing you smile, i knew that everything was going to be alright and that i was comforted by it. hearing you shared you problems with me and pour out all your tears to me, i felt that i meant so much to you. i felt like the person you trusted so much that you could be able to do so. yesterday was the last day that i would be able to see you in school. other than that, it would be the start of my break before the big examintions arrive. but we'll make time to meet each other. i know i will. coz a day without having to see your smile, i feel so amiss.

hmmph, i am really awaiting for 26th November to come. yes we had our graduation day yesterday and on th 26th november would be our prom night. i am so looking forward to it. bought my blazers and shirt already. all im left with is to wait for my hair to grow. as you can see in the picture above, im partially botak. so i doubt my hair would be able t grow in time. can somebody give a suggestion of wat am i to do with my hair? chatted with Sufyan yesterday on msn, and he said that my hair is much preffered to be the way it is now. but other frends said that they preffered my old hairstyle. i dont know wat to do with me hair. argghh!! hahaha, but all in all i think that i shud focus on my O'levels first. chat with you guys soon aites

2009-10-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

Graduation Day

finally, today was the end of my secondary school education. yes, the graduation of CSS class of 2009! right now i'm having mixed feelings. the feeling of happiness and being proud that finally im out of that stupid school, full of stupid school rules. and at the same time im very disheartened to be leaving my friends. but then, im looking forward to O'levels. studying super super hard right now for it. i shall come back with super good grades! i will do it. okay nothing else to blog. cya

2009-10-12T18:03:00.000+08:00

I Guess It Hurts More

as what the title of this post says, i guess it hurts more. it hurts you that i dont reply to your 'i love you' and 'i miss you' anymore. i know you are hurt now. but i think that coming this 7 months, you have not noticed that i dont often say i love you. the only reason is that i know deep down inside you, you know that i do. it is just not me to be expressing my love for you with 'i love you'. i do in many other ways. somehow u could feel that you dont trust the relationship anymore since after we seperated for two weeks. but hey, two weeks was only a short period of time. what if we have to be apart for a longer period of time. im sure we could make it again. what doesn't kill you only make you stronger. we will pull through. just note that i would always love you alright babe!

the mugging journey has started

2009-10-06T14:20:00.000+08:00

Silent Cries

it has been like two weeks since the breakup. but my heart still needs more time to heal. i'm crying silently inside. no one knows how i really feel right now and felt before. when asked by my closest friends if i was okay - all i could say was 'never better'. but who am i kidding. i miss us so much. i watch couples held hands walking at the airport, smiling and laughing yet so loving. i envied them. i thought to myself; if only that incident didn't happen, if only i didn't let you go, if only you were still mine, if only.. i was the one that let go of the relationship wishing that both of us would be happy. i don't know about you, but i definitely am not. i don't know how we're gonna end this. i just want to love again, im trying my hardest. god please help me. hais!

2009-10-02T18:34:00.000+08:00

Im Touched By You

thank you for the cookie and the card. i'm definitely touched by it(: it made me think of us and the times we were together. but im sorry, i just cant be the way i was last time. i might have change life and the way i lived it. but you have to be strong and move on. rest assured, i will be there to catch you incase you fall or need some one to give you a push or a head start. im fine the way i am. im always gonna be that one guy who used to love this special girl is blessed with many good things in life! all the best

another thing is there is this guy who called me noob on MY TAGBOARD which is on MY BLOG. if im noob then why not you prove what is not noob to you. im being kind giving you the chance to change the direction of your post, otherwise i shall see you in court(: btw, i know you too well!

2009-09-29T16:48:00.000+08:00

At This Point Of Time, I'm All I Need

nothing much has happened between yesterday and today. just that we've gotten back some of our prelims paper and it was a heart-breaking reality. i failed POA and Maths (so far). for English i was contented with my paper 1, and will be getting back paper 2 tomorrow! looking forward to the drink that WanXin will be owing me *evil grin* LOL. looking forward to tomorrow also as will be going to watch Singapore Idol Live from Caldecott Broadcast Studios and will be supporting Justin Jap as he was the one that passed us the tickets to the Mosh Pit! nothing much to blog about now. shall blog again soon!

2009-09-26T18:19:00.000+08:00

A Feeling Only God Knows

why do i feel this way - a sudden pain and sadness when i read your blog. to find out you've move on with life and forgetting me, i should be happy. but why don't i feel like smiling? is this the feeling everyone gets when their spouse finally lets go? i doubt so right. i really cannot explain this feelings that im feeling right now. no one knows how much im hurting inside except god. it's not that i did not try to love again, i did but i just can't find myself loving you again. but somehow that spark which ignite the flame between the both of us is still inside me. that spark which brought me so much fond memories. the spark that i would never forget how it felt. but how about you. would you forget about us as you journey through you life ahead? i found myself scared and afraid to know that you've let go. if you think i've moved on, im sorry you're wrong. physically i did, but not emotionally. im held down by all the memories i had of us and pulled back by this strong feeling. but the least i could do now is to fake that smile seeing you move on in life and leaving behind the pain i've caused. i'll smile just to see you smile again(:

2009-09-25T22:13:00.000+08:00

Nothing The Way I Ever Felt

how i just wished that all my life i could live moments like this. moments where i dont have to worry about heart pains, tears and sorrows. i dont want to go through happiness hiding the other feelings behind and inside me. i would be lying to myself if i do that. but i cant do anything but to just go the way i did the past years of my life. nothing much happened today except that i didn't go to school. woke up at 6.30am to send my younger sister to school. then headed to DTE to get myself a cup of coke! yeahs, like early in the morning im not suppose to be drinking coke but had the crave of it. headed home and slept till 1.30pm when i turned on my com and surfed the net till around two plus. i got a phonecall from aliah saying that they wanted to come over for visiting, so i agreed and about 45 minutes later they arrived! had a few drinks and played around before sending them off to block 221 where they continued their visiting. went to fetch my younger sister from school, went home and went out again to my grandmother's house to take some stuff. now here i am back home after a few hours blogging again! so you see how i lead my life with worries and pain hiding deep down inside of me. i just wished that i could be showing the real me - the guy whom shed tears going through hard moments in life, the guy who fakes a smile so people won't see how much he's hurting inside and the guy who loved to be loved. that guy can no longer show himself, he have to show a strong outfront . i miss the old cheerful, cheeky and fun me. i must bring him back! O'levels is drawing really near, mugging life and free time away just to be scoring well for it! getting back prelim papers next week, am super excited and anxious to see how i did compared to last time! wish me luck..looking at the countdown timer on the right panel of this blog, my nerves are building. let's pray for the best and work hard. JIA YOU SEC 4s and SEC 5s!

2009-09-24T11:36:00.004+08:00

I Am Everything That I should Be

i never thought that we would end this way. i read your blog and stuff like that. but i let you go in a nice way. i wasn't heartless in anyway. when we met yesterday, i was alright - calm and nice. but then when u started talking and blaming me for somethings that i never did, i flared up. then now you said that i was not the izwan you came to know. you never imagined me to be acting this way- so does this mean you dont know me well enough? the reason why the ring and the bracelet is with vp its because she wasn't in school the past few days. have it ever crossed your mind how im feeling right now? i doubt it did. you are always thinking of how hurt you are, but please put consideration into how im feeling too. when you did all those mistakes, have you ever gave a thought about me or how i would react upon knowing? so right now in your mum's eyes, im no longer a good guy. did you tell her the truth in the first place about what you did and what happened between us which had caused us to go our seperate ways? i don't think you did. i never said there was never a chance for us to get back together. but since you assumed it, i have nothing else to say except for wishing you happiness in everything you do. those tears you shed yesterday, i could feel your sincerity, but in view of what happened, i was hurt too badly that i lost that love. please get your facts right and change the perspective of people about the nice and good me- not the other way around.

Keep Loving You, Tonight - ChikoWong

Verse 1:
The night seem so cold without you here
You’re so far, but I want you near
The only person who takes all of my fear
The one person I’d call my dear
I never thought we’d end this fast
I just wished that we might have last
Nothing I’ll do could bring back the past
I will always love you, it is a must

Chorus:
You broke my heart and left me alone
Turning down this feeling that’s grown
Into a heart that I have shown
That I will keep loving you, tonight
I thought of you and shed my tears
This love I have I want you to know
My love for you would never change
And I will keep loving you, tonight

Verse 2:
I looked at you with so much affection
And for once I thought life was perfection
Dream, thoughts and sometimes I cried
You will never be able to know how much I’ve tried
I wouldn’t see those eyes anymore
You said a few words, and walked out the door
I watched as you drive around the bend
Now I know all good things come to an end

Chorus:
You broke my heart and left me alone
Turning down this feeling that’s grown
Into a heart that I have shown
That I will keep loving you, tonight
I thought of you and shed my tears
This love I have I want you to know
My love for you would never change
And I will keep loving you, tonight

2009-09-23T11:39:00.000+08:00

Only Time Could Heal My Pain

yesterday i woke up with a sore jaw. it hurts like mad till now that i can't open my mouth much, yet alone chewing stuff. this means im going on a diet just to not open my mouth! sad thing for me right! haha. no school today so sent my younger sister to school like at 7.30 in the morning! im such a good brother, and i've proven it. went to polyclinic after that just to find out that i had to go to a dentist for my jaw.. hmmphh! what can a dentist do sia. but nevertheless, mum is bringing me there tonight! but what if they have to inject things into my gums to make it numbs, die sia - needles scares me to death! shall be a man and face it all..hahah. then headed to school to pass YY $50 to help me pay for prom night to shuting. and yes, finally i am going to prom. am so looking forward to see how everyone act and dress that night, especially YINGHUI! haha shall go have breakfast now! toodles- blog later(:

2009-09-22T16:32:00.000+08:00

Another Life Starts Afresh

you think that i have moved on, but frankly i don't know. physically i did move on, but emotionally i am not sure. why do i feel lonely without you around? why do i keep looking at my phone to see a blank screen with no text messages? why do my heart feel so heavy? why do tears flow down my cheeks? why do i have to go through these? many of my questions is about 'I'. it may seem self-centered to you, but to think about it, its not. i can't change these feelings even if i wanted to. i have to leave you knowing how much it would hurt the both of us. i can't cheat myself for the love that i don't feel no more. i'm leading a life that i don't know where it's leading me. i used to walk with my head held high, but now i find myself looking down- no matter how much i forced myself to look up. my purest laughter fade away with you. i can't find my humour in me anymore. i don't get why does everything have to leave together with you. is this a curse of my love life to love and lose everything at once? i wish that someone could lead me to the answers i'm looking for!

2009-09-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

Everything Over In A Blink Of An Eye

the heading says it all. yes, it all ended that fast! i'm not gonna spend my time relaying the story to you guys. maybe if you guys ask around, you might just find that answer. it hurts too much to love again, i tried loving you but i just can't find myself doing so. but my life have to go on, so does yours. i just hope that you would be fine and happy leading life without me. i pray for your happiness and all the love that could be blissfully blessed upon you! thank you for spending time with me these few months! all the best..!

2009-09-17T20:08:00.002+08:00

If Only It Didn't Happen

something is amiss. i know it, i feel it. but why out of all the days that i could happen, why today? why the day before our anniversary? he knows that you are attached to me, but why does he have to do all those stuff for you. and when he does that, you allowed it to happen? i just don't understand everything that is going on now. i cant let my mind and heart to rest knowing that all these is going on. you are unhappy cos' i wanted to confront him, but hey, i have every right to do so. i'm your boyfriend if you actually remember. i would do everything and anything in my will to keep you close and by my side. and that includes confronting the guy who does not respect our relationship. right now my heart feels so heavy and uneasy. feeling this way not knowing what is going to happen to us. i'm holding on, being strong for this growing relationship. one more day to a milestone and steps towards our happiness. with this going on, you're treating me so cold. i didn't do anything wrong. u know it, i didn't. everything i do i would inform you. but would you do the same? i vetted through your phone the other day, i saw messages from someone who i didn't wish to see, but i did. you got upset because i webcam-ed with my ex, i was sorry. i really am. please work out before tomorrow!

2009-09-14T15:44:00.002+08:00

I Need A New Me

Life just doesn't seem the way i planned it.

i always thought that life would go the way we want it

now i know that i am very very wrong!

had my Geography and Maths paper today. Maths was super challenging.

a very strong feeling that im going to flung or even fail it.

Geography was quite challenging but manage to cope with the questions.

having Science practical exam tomorrow. hope i do well.

trying to rush through my prelim art, even though i planned not to go.

mum said that she would help me with it as she wanted me to go for art.

vacation, let's see.. it means sunset, hotels and fun!

let us just hope i don't flung it too! hehehe

all the best to the 4E 5N students for their prelim exams!

two more weeks to go! jia you!!!

well wrote a new song.

i guess my songs revolve around the same idea

its all about love and break up, not wanting to let go!

I Just - ChikoWong

Verse 1:

Again, it happened again

I’m so hurt by you, and broke into two

But life, I went on alone

And I’m missing you, with nothing to do

Pre-Chorus:

And you just walked on and left, every pieces of you

Left me alone in the dark, just thinking of you

Chorus:

I just can’t take this no more

I just need you so much

I just want you right now

I just, I just…want you to stay

Verse 2:

Please wait, I can’t let you go

I’m still holding on, even though you have gone

I’m here, in this lonely corner

Feeling so down, not making a sound

Pre-Chorus:

And you just walked on and left, every pieces of you

Left me alone in the dark, just thinking of you

Chorus:

I just can’t take this no more

I just need you so much

I just want you right now

I just, I just..want you to stay

Bridge:

Oh just stay with me through this pain

And make me whole again im begging you

You gave me all I never need but love

Chorus

I just cant take this no more

I just need you so much

I just want you right now

I just, I just..want you to stay

...Ohh just stay...

2009-09-11T12:51:00.003+08:00

I'm Always There Watching Over You

yesterday, went to school in the morning with YY for chemistry. suppose to meet him at 8.30am. but as you guys know about my rubber timing, i met him at 8.50am. take note that i had to wash my hair and face, and got ready at the same time grab everything that i needed for the lesson. haha but lucky for me he was not buay song towards me when i met him. chemistry lesson was quite fun. finally know how to do the qualitative analysis. i guess that was what the experiment was called.

after that, went home and bake cake for bb! want to see
how my cake turned out, go to bb blog!

www.izwan-myboy.blogspot.com

at night went for dinner and movie with yy and bb. yy was scared that the show might turn out to be scary. being a nice friend and fiance, i set in between the both of them! haha. i the cinema, i guess bb had fun and i enjoyed myself. no words to describe that feeling! haha...headed to T1 after that. and then it was picture madness time. my first time takiing picture with yy! didn't expect it to be super fun! hahaha...

2009-09-10T05:44:00.000+08:00

...It's Because You Are, I Am...

bb have been acting quite strange recently. she doesn't message me as often as she does, and her messages were not like before. bb, are you facing problems? if you are im here for you. i just want us to be the old us again. the talking us, the sweet us and the us which everyone dreams of. i just want the old u back. i miss you so much even though i just met you on Tuesday. Since im not asleep at this hour, i kept thinking of you. i wonder how u are and everything else that plays in my mind about you. im looking forward to dinner with you later on, even though there is a bright bulb that shines super bright which follows us.. haha i invited him along. maybe he would be a fun guy after all.. hehe cya later bb!!

A Birthday To Celebrate

A shout out to a very special brother, TEO YIN TONG ;

a person whom have helped me alot in life & relationship

the guy whom had to go through boredome while chatting with me

the guy whom i shares things with

the guy whom i treat so dearly (not in a gay way)

a guy who called me at 11.50pm on 8 Septmber

a guy whom i had countdown to his birthday with

a guy whom i treat and respect like my blood brother

a guy who finally turned 16!

a guy who could at last watch NC16 and play legal pool

hahaha...HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!

2009-09-06T18:32:00.000+08:00

I'm Sorry

i know how you're feeling right now. i saw everything written on Tumblr. it was my fault, i know. i shouldn't have webcammed with her. but bb, she didn't on her cam. only i did, she wanted to see my hair. i know whatever i said would not make you feel better. i really should not have webcammed with her, i shouldn't have. im sorry i hurt you. bb, no matter what im still your fiance! nothing will change that, i promise.

2009-09-05T17:52:00.001+08:00

Everything I Ever Wanted

Taurus Horoscope for Today

No matter how many problems you are expected to deal with,

you are advised to relax more.

You may feel tempted to spend too much money in a personal interest. Be careful!

In the afternoon you might meet a special person

who will later play an important part in your sentimental life.

The horoscope for today is half true. but about the person that i might meet, hmm.. so far not yet.i have been cooping myself up at home.so might not have a chance to meet tht special person. unless bb drops by my house to check on her fiance, me! i am feeling super super sick right now. body is heating up pretty badly now. flu is making my nose leak non-stop. throat is feeling super pain and sore. woah, fancy starting my holidays in this manner. well the holidays is not a holiday for the sec 4s and 5s. its gonna be revision class the whole week, well mostly consultations. so if you are not sure of anything, you can drop by the school to ask the teachers. so i might be dropping by for a few days in school. other than that im gonna be doing my art prep board which i have not finish doing. well my day was so boring that i started baking CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! haha, well im blogging now while waiting for it to bake. lets just pray that the cookies turn out to be the way they are meant to be. hahah. my cookies had additional HERSHEY's Chocolate and chocolate chip. so its gonna be way chocolaty. hmm.. my crave for cheesy stuff is kicking in. so have anyone made a cheese cookie? should i try? haha okay wild imaginations.

had a great webcaming moment last night together with bb, maisarah and many other friends till 4am in the morning when McDonald's arrive with our pre-dawn meal. yeahs! had hotcakes this morning which was super super not filling. so i ate another sausage mcmufin. haha. YAY! well, gonna be watching 'The Proposal' tonight with family. Gees, wish bb was there. hahaha. blog soon!

2009-09-04T20:01:00.000+08:00

It Hurts More Than You Think

Today was a very meaningful day for me. finally my best unit cadet is displayed in my trophy cabinet. a well deserved award after the amount of hardwork that i put into building the NPCC unit to its standard now. a big congratulations to the othe B.U.C cadet; Peggy Seow! yeah yeah yeah, great minds think alike! haha. sorry YY, but at least you have us right.. btw im talking about me and peggy. regarding my previous post, people just dont understand where im coming from. but i guess its my blog and i have the right to post about anything i want(:

I miss bb so much right now. thanks bb for sharing laptop with me. yeah i guess whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours right. haha, like the way my school tie is. LOL.

BTW, my tagboard became a battlefield of Fukkers'. like wat the hell lahh. out of the place my blog uhh? get a life people.

2009-09-04T00:21:00.001+08:00

Given My All, For You And Everything

Okay here's the update of my current situation:

10% - Depressed

10% - Worried

20% - Frustrated

60% - Mad/Angry

Let me just tell you why im facing all these. well its because of my art coursework. I've been kicking my ass trying to finish that coursework on time, and guess what? deadline was postponed till tomorrow. i tried rushing through my prepatory board, and then again, deadline postponed. whats wrong with this world? dont people ever stick to deadlines. alright, frankly speaking to me my canvas looks done and i am super proud of my achievement of being able to paint that well. yet, as i said, my best was not enough for the others who can do and paint better than me. but do i care? no i dont. i really really dont get you people. the thing that matters is that i've done my best right? 'many of you think you are done. take izwan's canvas as an example. he think's he is done but i can tell him a million more things that he can improve on' excuse me, im human you know. i can only do one thing at a time. if i focus too much on my canvas, who is going to complete my prep board? anyone willing to help? i bet you no one will. so what am i suppose to do now? ignore all my other subjects and just focus mainly on art praying that a miracle would happen just by my stroke of the paintbrush? hahaha it wouldn't even happen if i dream. get where im coming from. why not you go and recall what you said to me 2 years back when you found out that i took art as one of my electives. so you are sticking through to whatever you are saying up till' now? its amazing what you can do right. i told you i was done, whyile the others are not even half way through, you locked up 3 canvases and left mine (the finished artwork) to rot and decompose while waiting for the others.. biasness shows it all in what you've done. btw this is not a form of cyber bullying people, this is vending my anger. if you readers are not happy reading this then jolly well FUCK OFF from my blog. and yes, i just tainted my reputation because i was furiously mad at the way you're treating me and some others in the class...get a life!

2009-09-03T14:04:00.004+08:00

The Answer Lies Within You

well today had my SS and MT paper 1. Just a brief summary; i screwed my SS paper. the SBQ was okay, but the essay was effed up. right now i am freaking disappointed in myself for not revising on the Venice Chapter. Arghhh... well but its okay. bb was there for me. bb messaged me after my paper and comforted me :) thanks bb! well tomorrow start school late.. entering school at like 10.15am. gotta tell bb about it, if not she's gonna wait for me at the MRT station for like super super long just to find it out..hmmph, gonna text her later on. i am effing bored at home now. i wanna go out but have no cash coz my sis took my cash away to go to work ): excited for tomorrow's NPCC training. hehe, congratulations to me and peggy for getting the Best Unit Cadet! woots... haha thank you thank you. i feel like eating chicken rice suddenly. shall go down and buy later on for breakfast!

Cheryl Mei & ChuanYong Kor; when we going to study? must set a date lehh..must inform my bb. hmm.. lets see, somewhere next week? September holidays.

hmm... recently have been attempting to write my fourth song. but it just seem that i have no inspiration. its not so easy as it seems to many. rhyming words, contrasting words, words that go with tune..its complicated. i used to write songs about break ups, but since now bb and me are superly superly fine, break up songs weren't my forte anymore. happy songs? hehe..might consider. life's just goes the way its is. maybe my voice is just an asset of talent thats left of me.. playing the guitar, im working on it. other than that, i dont know. gonna be recording songs soon, but not the ones i wrote. hope it turns out well(:

2009-09-02T23:46:00.000+08:00

The Things I've Bought

Superman Belt!

Recoil Shirt

TopMan Shirt

Nexus Shirt

Nexus Jeans

Levi's Jeans

A new Watch

2009-09-02T14:28:00.001+08:00

A Thousand Miles That Seperates

the first picture after months of being together, thanks bb(: well nothing much happened recently accept for shopping which right now im way too tired to shop again. for 3 days straight went shopping. bought pants, clothes, belt, watch, etc. haha right now totally broke after cutting hair, guess what, i love my hair.

well monday was super super fun. teacher's day celebration and aces day. walked a stupid bloody big round. along the way was gossiping and disturbing people, utterly fun. after that headed to Fish & Co. Express (since i was not fasting) together with bb, Cheryl and ChuanYong. it was one of our many romantic moments together..haha. soon after headed to pasir ris park for an even more romantic time of walking along the beaches and just spending quality time as couples. me and ChuanYong had agreed to do it again sometime, so now planning for another couples day out(:

okay today was the start of the stupid prelim examinations, which i dont see the point. well in other words, time is running out before the start of the O'levels which would either make me or break me. so lets choose my path, hmmph.. MAKE ME! yes i make a really smart choice to study effing hard for my O'levels. tomorrow would be the Social Studies paper together with MT paper 1. gonna start mugging after finishing this post.

well to that someone who i still treat so dearly despite what has happened to us: you seemed alot different than the way you were before. right now you are treating me as though i do not exist or weren't present in your life anymore. our friendship still means alot to me despite what happened previously. right now im no longer the person you share everything with. you have someone that has replaced me. well its okay for that matter. but right now you wont speak to me unless i spoke to you. you wont speak to me unless u have no other people to talk to. i just want our old friendship back ):

hmmph..this is to another someone. you changed too. nothing bad happened to us but i dont see you acting the same. we used to be the best of buddies but now it just seems that you are not who you are anymore. thanks for still telling me stuff that many dont know about you, but then again, you changed. you used to message me everyday and update me about your life and stuff like that. but now you dont. you had a bf but never told me until a month later, i guess its ur personal life and i wont want to interfere. right now you have him, i wish you all the best. but i hope that the way im treating you now is the same way you are treating me now. siblings :-D

2009-08-29T12:32:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Cheryl Mei

ANOTHER DAY HAS COME AND PASSED

AND YOUR BIRTHDAY CAME AT LAST

A PERSON WHO’S BEEN THERE FOR ME

THE ONE PERSON WHOM I ALWAYS SEE

YOU HELPED BUILD MY STRENGTH AND COURAGE

AND TOLD ME TO TURN THE PAGE

YOU ARE THE ONE SPECIAL THING IN MY LIFE

WITHOUT YOU, I’D BE DEPRIVED

THE 16 YEARS FOR ALL YOU’VE LIVE

THE DOLLARS SPENT AND ALL THAT YOU GIVE

NO ONE WOULD FORGET FOR YEARS AHEAD

HAVING SOMEONE LIKE YOU HAS ALWAYS BEEN GREAT!

2009-08-22T17:42:00.002+08:00

I Have Everything That I Need
...Except For You...

frankly speaking.. i love my hair in this pic!! no i mean, the colour of my hair. haha. putting that picture aside. right now im starving because im fasting. and yes Izwan fasts! haha. ate only 1/4 of rice of my usual intake because im such a kind soul who donated my rice to my other siblings who seems to be short of rice. this is all thanks to my very 'SMART' brother who only cooked little rice. Oral exam yesterday was a breeze. well thats what i thought about it. shouldnt brood over what has passed. now looking forward.. im studying my ass off doing Maths TYS, revising on POA, reading up on Geography and finishing Physics assignment. this is so unlike me but yes, im worried about O' levels! gotta go prepare for break-fast. Cya around yeahs(:

2009-08-20T19:52:00.000+08:00

My World Revolves Around You

The People Who Always Makes My Day

Got B3 for MT O'levels. not the best i've done i guess

Gonna retake the paper end of the year!

No mood to blog.. sorry

2009-08-19T22:03:00.002+08:00

NO MOOD TO BLOG!

Shall Blog Some Other Time ):

2009-08-17T22:13:00.002+08:00

I Need Nobody But You

i have never once said that you were never good enough for me. dont get me wrong. its just that i am going through a lot recently. you know what is going through in my life. and if you cant understand my situation, all i could do is just nothing. you were the one person in my life that i poured all trust in. i guess i shouldn't interfere with who you go out with and where you go. i should trust you right, but if you would regard me as your stead, then you would inform me so at least i know where you'd be going. i hope with tomorrow as the 5th month we're together, would actually mean something to the both of us.

alright, nothing much happened today. after school went for art and completed another section of my O'level canvas. im 80% done!! haha thank god. after art went down to have a look at the NPCC cadets training for tomorrow's promotion test. but only a few came so the session ended pretty early. so headed to white sands with all of them including peggy and had a drink at McDonald's. and then headed home(:

thank you XinLe meii for being there for me when i needed someone to talk to! and huiting, thanks for understanding(:

2009-08-16T20:29:00.003+08:00

Covering My Pain From You

when i am with you, i always try my best to put a smile on my face. a strong outfront for someone whom i love so much and treasure dearly. i dont want you to see the weak side of me. i know im not suppose to hide anything from you. but at certain times, i must. it is just the best way for the both of us. maybe i was too harsh on you last night. i was just disappointed in myself for everything that i've caused in the relationshiip. because of me, we are not talking as much as before. because of me, you are slowly crying in silence- just like the way i am too. you were my pillar of strength, but now i guess that changed right now. im sorry for you to know that. you seem happier without me interfering in your life or taking up your time. im trying me very best to work my way through this relationship. i need you to understand what im going through right now. the other day when i walked with you to school, i did tell you the 'thing' im taking and what is happening to my life. so i hope you would understand . im sorry ):

Izinkan - Fauzie Laily

Ku cuba berlari di celah pelangi
Makin ku berlari makin ku pasti
Yang kucari kutemui
Mungkinkah ini
Hanya mainan mimpi
Mungkin ini kisah pasti
Ku tak mahu berakhir

Kau adalah ketemuan yang tak ku sangka
Kau adalah kebetulan yang terindah
Tawa bisa jadi cinta
Mungkin memang Suratan kita
Mungkin memang kau di hati
Ku jatuh cinta lagi

Ingin ku genggam tanganmu
Agar bisa kau dengar isi hatiku
Ingin aku beri semua cerita cinta dalam dunia
Hanya satu yang ku mahu
Hanya satu oh darimu
Izinkan aku, izin diriku
Cintai dan memujamu
Izinkan aku, izin diriku
Cintaimu oh selalu

2009-08-16T00:16:00.001+08:00

You Weren't There...Again

went out for fun, like finally after quite some time. went out together with sis and bro. it was not really that bad comes to think of it. but since sis brought her boyfriend and bro was meeting his friend too, i decided that i want to meet someone too. so i rang up a few people and texted some others. but all were not free. so i tried asking someone who i treated more than a friend, my god-sis. but somehow she finds J-Pop better than spending time with me. But somehow something worst happened. I called you-know-who and asked if she was able to go out with me. and guess what, she was already out. out with someone whom i know to a floorball match at tampines stadium, and in addition, she went out only with a guy. that's the second time that she went out with a guy and not tell me about it. what happened to trust? i asked if she would join me for a movie but said that her mum ordered pizza yadayada and wants to watch movie at home. ok lorhh.. bo pian mahh. so i just went with the flow and headed to put everything aside and enjoy myself. went shopping for new watch and belt. bought my guitar string like finally! hahaha. went to play Dance Dance Dance revolution with bro. went window shopping for prom outfit. and finally headed to watch 'UP'. damn it was a good show. so touching..haha. happy endings which i hope would happen to me but i doubt it would. looking at the situation at where we are now, im afraid to move. i want to get things right first before we move. but now seeing that the time left before my O' levels is short, i should put this breaking relationship aside and just let you go on with life. you chose to wait for me, so i hope that you wouldn't be so foolish to break my heart in my absence. even though i am not around, i still know what is going on. knowing that you were not there for me hurts so much :'(

2009-08-15T13:16:00.000+08:00

Hard Work Is All You Need

Finally the results are out for the National Drill Competition. Coral NPCC Unit won the Second place Overall. Congratulations to all who have put in the effort to practice and rehearse the drills and also the fancy drill. Cis, SNCOs and SI for coming down for training to observe and correct mistakes!! haha i guess that includes me also. but it all paid off! once again CONGRATULATIONS !!!

2009-08-14T20:13:00.002+08:00

Everything That I Have To Live Without

Today, surprisingly, time flew really really fast! We had English, S.S, Maths and then upper sec assembly was cancelled so Mdm Yuslina continued with S.S. it was really really fun today(: after school went for friday prayers with my godbro Ashraf. haha had a great catch up on life of each other. then went back to school again. Saw how the NPCC unit of coral is performing, and was damn damn disappointed with what i saw. but thank god that the 'Devil' is back. woots!! *clap*clap* for him. nothing much to update now. abit sian and have homework to do. so i shall go crack my brain doing it. bye(:

To Coral NPCC Drill Competition Members:

Hey!! all the best for tomorrows competition. hope that you guys wont despair if (choy! touch wood) you guys didn't make it. ur SNCOs would be around to cheer you guys on okay! hope to see and hear good results tomorrow and i will be here praying for you guys!! ALL THE BEST!

Updated:
i feel so angry and so upset. but why the hell am i feeling this way? i really dont know. someone please tell me. i just cant go on like this anymore. i feel like screaming out loud and let go of this feeling im having deep inside. but even after screaming, i doubt it will help. friends just doesn't act like friends anymore. where were you guys when i needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to or even share my problems with. you guys were not there despite saying that you guys would actually be there. but what now? i came across something which have left a scar deep down inside of me. something which i never expect to happen. i met you in the foyer while walking out of the school. all that we did was just to smile at each other. but in the beginning, you didnt even notice my presence until i bumped into you. am i a shadow that only comes out when the sun is shining, or am i just another guy that happens to fall for you? i thought that you will always love me no matter what happens. maybe that's true, i don't know. im not gonna doubt the love you have for me. but instead, i just want you to see the pain i am feeling deep down inside. what happen to the messages that you always send to me every morning. what happens to calling me dear, what happened to us? i kept pondering over this questions but i just cant seem to find the answer. right now im furiously angry but i just dont know why. im blowing up and i have no effing idea what the hell i could do to bring this anger down. worst, i dont know what im angry about. pls pls pls... i just want time to go back to the time when we all were more than just a friend. i want my friends back, i want my love back and i want my life back. is that so difficult to ask for? i doubt so. i guess all i need is just a miracle to happen. life just goes the way it is. no one can alter the fate u have which is awaiting you. and right now, im not ready to know my fate or go through it yet! HELP!!!!!!! DAMN THE BACK PAIN LAHH!!!

2009-08-13T18:57:00.003+08:00

Time Would Heal It All

Its sad when the girl you know become the girl you once knew.
When you can walk past her like she was never a part of your life.
And only when you've started to realize,
she's become just another face in the crowd.
How you used to be able to talk on hours on the phone with her,
and how now you can barely even look at her.
When you walk past the theatre you once visited with her,
except this time you're there alone
Its really sad, when you start to treasure the people you once loved,
only to find that they arent here anymore.
Wouldn't it be sad, to leave this world so dark, so lonely,
where she doesnt acknowledge your existence,
where we're left alone,
where she doesnt seem to even care.
But how should we feel,

if there'll be a chance to spend one last moment
in company with your loved one.
How would you feel?
How should we feel?

Copyrighted from A 'Bros' blog(:

it is just so beautiful and meaningful having to have come across such stuff.

thanks bro(:

Edited:
OMG! i just realise that the deadline for the art O'level exam is coming really really soon. and i am only 3-quarter way through finishing my coursework. definitely im panicking like hell.using up all my precious time to complete it. and come to think of it, my preparatory board is not even started yet! DIE SIA. lets just pray to god that my hours for one day would extend from 24hours to 30 hours! hahaha which is slightly impossible. okok...stressing like damn bad now. MT O'level results would be released only next Wednesday, dont have the confident of scoring well. but i guess rest assured to be getting a B4 for it(: haha. updates on my hair- im loving it!! hahaha. its been a long time since i could flick my fringe form side to side..hehe. it rocks to the bloody damn core of the earth okay! now im really exaggertating. im super super hungry at this hour, the typical me by the way. hope that school tomorrow would be fun- but definitely, i doubt so. so till next time aites!

2009-08-10T19:35:00.000+08:00

Nothing Could Ever Change This Love

Okay, National Day was effing boring sia. I was just not attracted by this year's NDP celebration. The parade was boring and did not have the umph that it did the previous years. The performances was utterly bullshit and crap. It was mentioned that the performances was based on the national pledge, then how come the words were all being jumbled up sia. i am super disappointed by it. Worst! the fireworks display was something that i have anticipated . but somehow it was not very beautiful like how i was expecting it to because of the recession that they cut down on the fireworks display just to save cost? How lame can Singapore get!?

On a lighter note, i was in Malaysia the whole weekend! haha. Rebonded my fringe like finally, after a long wait. Mum and younger sister perm-ed their hairs. Mum and older sister dyed her hair, while brother went for hair treatment.. i guess the whole cost would total up to cost a bomb! haha. while rebonding my fringe, i had a cup of Ice Vinti Caramel Machiatto(: its been super super long since i last drank that lahh sia!! hahaha.. so happy with my new fringe. but now having to face the fear of school tomorrow when walking past teachers!

so let us all join hands and pray for my hair's safety. LOL okay that was lame. Oh ya wait, there's more. bought myself a POLICE sunglasses. haha that didnt cost a bomb though.

Alright, now for Singapore Idol yesterday. Me and my bro was sitting in the hotel room praying that someway and somehow we dont appear there. lols. and thank god we didnt. and if you effing notice, some of the bloody good singers didnt make it through. and some of the nonsense and the cant-sing people made it through. haha so now you actually see how crap the judges were? but its okay. true talent comes from within(:

2009-08-08T13:24:00.003+08:00

Keep Loving You, Tonight

Verse 1:

The night seem so cold without you here

You’re so far, but I want you near

The only person who takes all of my fear

The one person I’d call my dear

Pre-chorus:

I never thought we’d end this fast

I just wished that we might have last

Nothing I’ll do could bring back the past

I will always love you, it is a must

Chorus:

You broke my heart and left me alone

Turning down this feeling that’s grown

Into a heart that I have shown

That I will keep loving you, tonight

I thought of you and shed my tears

This love I have I want you to know

My love for you would never change

And I will keep loving you, tonight

Verse 2:

I looked at you with so much affection

And for once I thought life was perfection

Dream, thoughts and sometimes I cried

You will never be able to know how much I’ve tried

Pre-chorus:

I wouldn’t see those eyes anymore

You said a few words, and walked out the door

I watched as you drive around the bend

Now I know all good things come to an end

Chorus:

You broke my heart and left me alone

Turning down this feeling that’s grown

Into a heart that I have shown

That I will keep loving you, tonight

I thought of you and shed my tears

This love I have I want you to know

My love for you would never change

And I will keep loving you, tonight

Bridge:

Just give me one more chance

For the sake of our love

Just give me one more chance

Cos’ I cant give you up

just give me one more chance

Cos’ I can never find a girl like you

Chorus:

You broke my heart and left me alone

Turning down this feeling that’s grown

Into a heart that I have shown

That I will keep loving you, tonight

I thought of you and shed my tears

This love I have I want you to know

My love for you would never change

And I will keep loving you, tonight

2009-08-02T00:19:00.002+08:00

Is Seeing Really Believing?

the past few days was really something that i had looked forward to but at the same time not looking forward to it either. but what has happened can't be re-done again.

Thursday:

Geography lesson used to be a bore last time but now it lifened up with mdm jamilah and people in the class. Finally i could see the link between S.S and Geography- no wonder they catogerise them as Humanities! all talk about human life what!! hahah. had maths mock exam which was pretty do-able for my standard of lousiness(: but ofcourse i ended super super late on thursday at around 5.30pm, and was F-ing shagged when i reached home.

Friday:

It was the highlight of the week i think. it was a short and sweet lesson which we had! Had english, S.S and maths. during english mrs. aziz gave a few words of encouragement which had really hit me hard. S.S mdm yuslina gave us even more encouraging words, and she also mentioned that our class had improved alot in the subject and she was really happy for us. During maths, the class requested to play games- so mr paik divided us into groups and played a math game (super interesting!) and winning group would get a free drink from canteen, his treat(: and like obviously my group won. but not because of me, but because of ashin, catherine and wanxin. and to add on, i had my shares of helping to work out the sum too! the fun people were not around on that day, a little boring but managed to scrape through the day! haha.

Saturday:

had to wake up early for maths mock exam paperII. the paper was tough lahh sia. felt like crying when i did it. worst, i saw paul doing it in a breeze. haha. suffered for 2hour 30min with the paper. after that was suppose to have chemistry. but guess what, MR ABU SUFYAN BIN BEDIN pang seh us. he didnt turn up. and worst, when we called him he never answer! argghhh!!! he is so gonna get it from us next week(:

Today:

Following mum to market in the morning. not sure if i could actually wake up. im really lazy to go, but for the sake of her i guess i have to get my ass off from the bed. not sure whats gonna happen today so it might just remain a mystery until i lived through it. and when that happens, u guys would find out(: and HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEE YONG!!!

To YiPeng:

Hey, cheer up aites. i know what happened would definitely affect you alot. its an important year for you. 4/2 will always be behind you and pushing you to success ok. hope to see you in school soon.

2009-07-29T22:34:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAOPO, JULIE!

its finally your birthday after a long awaited months of being together. although i was not able to meet up with you today, i hope you had an enjoyable birthday celebrated with your friends and family. even when i am not around, my heart is with you wherever you are. and i am really really sorry for not being able to be there. i will make it up to you i swear. and btw, your present is something that had been slowly put together throughout the months. i really hope you like it and treasure it as much as i treasure you! may today marks the start of your new beginning and the start of your life as a teenager and the courande for you to explore more of what life is about. i will always be behind you pushing you and cheering you on. the one who would always catch you when you fall. have a blessed birthday dear! love you loads(:

alright.. now for the updates! hmm.. well nothing much really happened for the past few days. except that school seemed super interesting and not dozing off in class. like a super 'WOW' for me..hehe. hmm lets see what else; oh yar! tomorrow is Maths Mock Exam. and i will surely flung it as usual- furthermore, the exam is in the afternoon at around 2.15pm. where got exam so late one?! people in the morning study so much liao then in the afternoon confirm brain lag der lorhh!! wat the hell sia. and worst, tomorrow maths is only paper 1 so we have to come back on saturday at around 7.45am. GAWD! its a saturday lehh.. who in the F-ing world wakes up at 6.00am just to get ready? alright putting aside the fact that i am willing to do that for Singapore Idol, but this is school man! argghhh!!! but non the less, i studied for it lehh- that is super amazing of me. YES, that's right! Chiko had just turned over a new leaf(which might turn back again any minute of life, haha) tomorrow is gonna be a long day! i shall turn in soon right after i grab my supper..hehe. Good Night people!!

OH YAH, before i forget:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YIN JIE, MICHELLE ANG & KELVIN LEE

(in advance, their birthday tomorrow!)

2009-07-21T22:03:00.002+08:00

Ignorance Is The Key (:

well i thought everything was going to be fine after what has happened. but i guess everything now is over. never thought that it would turn out to be this way especially when it was settled a few days back. the silence brought upon your presence and the ignorance drawn on your face. i might forgive but definitely not forget. we spent many selfless time together but all that's left were the pain you engraved in me, this soul whom had been hurt umpteen times. im sure you knew how painful it is to be hurt- you've been through that pain too! and worst, not being able to get it on me; instead, you're trying to get it on my own blood brother. you've turned my closest into one of yours and putting me aside deep in the black corners of your heart, or maybe not even in it. now you think you could take my closest away from me- then i suggest you think again. not everything in this world you want, you would get it. dont act as if you are the only one god created and sent to this world. coz im sure billions around you were god's gift too. that doesn't make you any special than the rest. everytime we argued, i tried to find a positive point in you to cover up for that mistake. but up till date, i found nothing. so that just proves to me how unfaithful you could get despite the sacrifices i made for you. i thought it would last, but i was so wrong. well just to comfort you, im doing fine without you. infact, im great! just remember 'Appearance VS Reality'. what you see around you is not what actually is on the inside of them. that is one of my biggest clue to you! btw, my face is not that ugly for you not to want to see it. maybe u're plain jealous? i dont know...maybe(:

2009-07-18T00:04:00.001+08:00

Sometimes It's To Let Go

Love Me Again - ChikoWong

Verse 1:

whenever i am feeling down

overcome my restlessness

you helped to take all of it away

Verse 2:

whenever all anxiety

darkened with each and every step

you help to brighten my life

pre-chorus:

but now everything began to change

my love is now just a memory

i was left alone with loneliness

oh how much did it hurt

Chorus:

baby just come back into my heart

and help me to heal this heart that's torn apart

the love we had between us two

baby just come back into my heart

and try to fill this lonely heart with all your love

and put a smile onto my face with just your touch and yoursmile

would you just try, try to love me again...

Bridge:

there's only one thing that i've always longed from you

treasure this love that we share oh

all of the pain i felt that had stabbed my heart

and i finally realise

this the purest love of all..

Chorus:

baby just come back into my heart

and help me to heal this heart that's torn apart

the love we had between us two

baby just come back into my heart

and try to fill this lonely heart with all your love

and put a smile onto my face with just your touch and your smile

would you just try, try to love me again...

2009-07-16T16:47:00.003+08:00

A Song Written For You

You Were The One- ChikoWong

verse 1:

I sat alone last night thinking of you

Thinking what have gone wrong between two of us

I tried so hard to put you asaide

But the feeling inside i just could'nt bare.

Nothing i do get gets you out of my head

I'm feeling so down and I'm feeling so blue

But why can't i forget about you?

chorus:

You made me smile

You made me laugh

You made me everything i am

You gave em lights

You gave me love

You gave me everything I've longed for

You were always there for me

You were the one

verse 2:

When you left me and walked out the door

All thats left of me were pieces of you

You walked on and never looked back

But now i really longed fo your return

chorus:

You made me smile

You made me laugh

You made me everything i am

You gave em lights

You gave me love

You gave me everything I've longed for

You were always there for me

You were the one

bridge:

Oh try to look at me

See how much i need you

I want you back, I really do..

chorus:

You made me smile

You made me laugh

You made me everything i am

You gave em lights

You gave me love

You gave me everything I've longed for

You were always there for me

You were the one

the song is not completed fully yet. Zahir and I are working on the tune and the chords for it. And so far we have only worked on the first verse. It shall take a few more weeks for it to be worked out fully.

2009-07-15T18:20:00.005+08:00

A Birthday Wish

Just For You, Mum...

We, abang and me, made this video for you.

We sang this song just for you.

We sang a song that we hope would move you.

We just want the best for you.

We love you so much, even if we dont say it often.

We would not be here today, if not for YOU!

God gave a gift to the world when you were born-

a person who loves, who cares,

who sees a person's need and fills it,

who encourages and lifts people up,

who spends energy on others

rather than herself,

someone whotouches each life she enters,

and makes a difference in the world,

because ripples of kindness flow outwards

as each person you have ttouched, touches others.

Your birthday deserve to be a national holiday,

because you are a special treasure

for all that you've done.

May the love you have shown to others

return to you, multiplies.

I wish you the happiest of birthdays,

and many, many more,

so others have time to appreciate you

as much as I do

2009-07-14T22:18:00.003+08:00

Thousand Miles Too Close

Need No One Else In The World

...Except You...

and my mum(:

had my 'O' level MT oral this afternoon. i must say that it was pretty okay luhhs.. just a few stummering here and ther, but over all it was a proud effort that i put in. school was pretty normal today. nothing much happened except a few fun laughters and bitching sessions- (inside stuff). had a start on the colour washing of my coursework, otherwise known as the canvas. finishing on the colour washing really soon. expected time to finish would be tomorrow during my two hours period of art(: tomorrow is my MUM's birthday.. hahaha. looking forward to her birthday dinner tomorrow, which actually means more camwhoring on my side- woots!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!!!!!!!!!

MAY ALL THAT YOU WISH FOR COMES TRUE.

AND MAY HAPPINESS AND HEALTH STRUCK YOU

IN THE YEARS TO COME. MAY YOU

HAVE A BLESSED LIFE

AHEAD AND LONGEVITY TILL YOUR LATE YEARS!

HAPPY 41ST BIRTHDAY, AGAIN!!!!

oh and btw, i created a fanclub in FACEBOOK.. hope that you guys could support me and my music!! just press on this word: ChikoWong

2009-07-10T22:35:00.007+08:00

We Are Back To Our Silence

It's because YOU believe,

I achieve.

It's because YOU encouraged,

I dream.

It's because You love,

I live.

It's beacuse YOU are,

I am.

nothing much happened these past few days except that i am on MC for 3 days since Wednesday. Having cough and flu and trying to stay home as much as possible. Right now im feeling super irritated as my house is super noisy with the loud laughter and sreams of my younger sister. argghh!!! The days were super boring without your messages!! How much i missed you is not being able to measure. right now we are back to our one word replies- i dont know why. but im trying my best to get us out of this zone! im looking forward to what the future holds! i applied for Direct Polytechinic Admission(DPA) and i hope i get into Ngee Ann Poly sia.. got swimming pool and BFF and lovergirl is going there too.. hehe at least i have my closest as well(:

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY NATHANIEL!!

today marks the start of you journey going through a year

of being in your 15's. at some point of time it might get hard,

but pick yourself up and carry on in this journey of yours

leading you to a bright future ahead! may you have a

blessed future which awaits ur presence(:

2009-07-06T12:02:00.000+08:00

today's the 3rd day im using Mrs. ear-got-problem laptop. haha. well now just came back from the beach and i am at McDonald's getting and internet connection. meeting her later at around 2.30pm to return the laptop. and then i will be heading off to my grandmother's house to collect FOOD! she cooked for us lehh.. but i dont know wat she cook(: anything she cook i reckon iit to be nice lahh- or maybe i am just the person who eats everything and anything on earth?you decide! lols.. okay. today i have to complete the Social Studies homework that was meant to be due on last friday. and guess what, nobody even did it. could tell that Mdm Yuslina was super upset with the class..but on a lighter note, she was okay with the class again during the youth day celebration- which i find super boring but at least it puts a smile on my face and the others as well. haha.. right now im feeling super super hungry and ii got food staring and waiting for me on the tray which is directly behid this laptop. im feeling super super sleepy also. and crap! i got eyebags..which is like so unglam! okay i think i should not wait any longer for the food to be eaten. should blog another time then.. toodles!

2009-07-05T12:27:00.000+08:00

hey people!!

its been quite sometime that i updated my blog. so here i am trying to save it from going down the big big drain!! hehe. well right now im using mrs.ear-got-problem's lappy. and finally i could get an internet connection at McDonald's! thank god, and thank you mrs.ear-got-problem for sponsoring me this laptop for one night(: okay right now im thinking when am i suppose to return this laptop to you. my handphone now is a total dead piece of device which has no battery and i cant live without it..arggghhhh!! okay nothing much happened last night at the beach except the fun part of playing the playground at 3am in the morning- well only dumbasses do that; and i admit i am one of those idiots. we played this stupid thing that goes round and round and never stops. played till all of us became giddy and saw everything around us turning like madd! and finally we fell to the ground and lye down on lots of sand! hahaha.. so now you guys agree that we're dumbasses right! hahaha. i am like having so much fun with this lappy's webcam..like snapping pictures of myself and crazy moments- then after that deleting those pictures after viewing it!! now that explains how crazy we all got over it! hmm..lets see wats next. there wont be any school tmr- yayayayay!! its youth day people!! but too bad must chiong homework lerr.. had my fun, now have to get serious liao..sobb sobb. okay right now i officially miss my girl whom have two different ear studs on! hahaha.. okay i guess i shall be off playing more of this webcam!! hahaha// toodles people!

2009-06-25T13:12:00.002+08:00

Somethings Are Hard To Let Go!

to you-know-who-you-are:

you know that it was difficult for me to make that decision i just made. but it just doesnt seem right for me to carry on like this. maybe not now, but later on theres always a chance if its fate. you knew how hurt i was after my break up and you understand. you been through the same. i really really hope you understand where im coming from! and we made a promise that we wud still be in talking terms no matter what happens. so i hope u keep to your promise(: im sorry

2009-06-24T15:38:00.002+08:00

What Hurts The Most...

things just doesn't always go like planned. but no matter what i think that life just has to go on without hesitation! hehe. hmm, went for the second singapore idol auditions yesterday. didnt make it through though. instead dick lee said this: 'that wasn't singing'. haha wonder wat he meant?! but even so i didnt react to watever he said. its 3 NO's from the judges! haha. but its okay. maybe i sang too loud in the enclosed area. there's always another try in the next years to come. but still not gonna stop singing and instead gonna practise more! hahaha. not feeling well today.. feeling super uncomfortable. life really sucks so much, you dont always get what you want. i guess thats what have been happening to me nowadays. i just have to accept the fact even though its hard! school is reopening in about 5 days time. i swear im not even ready for it and my homework is still in the same pile the way i left it in the last week of school. i lost my pen(s) and pencil(s)- okay basically everything that should be in a students pencilcase! my handphone bill has mounted up to $80++, and i have yet to pay a single cent of it. wonder where im gonna get money to pay it. cant go to work, my mum dont allow. im a spend thrift and moreover a shopaholic, so definitely savings is not something that i have. the last i've checked, my bacnk account has only $2.58, so definitely its not helpful. argghh.. guess i just have to force myself to spend less and save more! hahaha. okay today is freaking boring lahhs..nothing to do. have been online on msn, facebooking and tagging all day. yet it didnt help! hahaha..someone please take away this boredom from me and entertain me!!

2009-06-18T14:52:00.002+08:00

i dont know why the sudden this happen to me too. its very tough. u should know what i feel and am going through right now. i guess there is no more her anymore. i realised and i know it became too weird for either one of us. but you cant stop the way u feel. anyways., wat you mean by starting afresh? does tht mean we'd remain as just friends?

2009-06-18T13:33:00.002+08:00

its just not the same anymore. were treating each other like strangers now. you're giving me that cold shoulder after finding out the truth about the way im feeling about you. right now i feel so lonely and needs someone there. i lost trust in love again. this time, it really is deep. im trying my best to build up that courage again to be there for you. but how can i go on if were not the way we are last time? im so lost of wat to do.

mengapa aku dibuat sebegini, merana seorang diri. aku inginkan seorang teman untuk meluahkan isi hatiku yang terpendam ini. sakitnya hatiku. aku sangat terluka. aku perlukan kau. hanya masa yang akan menentukan jika kau benar benar orang yang selama ini ku cari. berikan aku peluang ini untuk memuktikannya!

2009-06-18T13:02:00.002+08:00

1. Real name : Muhammad Izwan Ismail @ Wong Zhong Jie
2. Nickname(s) :Chiko, Wan, Wong
3. Star sign : Taurus
4. Male or female :Male. Isn't it obvious?
5. Primary School : Pasir Ris Primary
6. Secondary School :Coral Secondary
7. JC/Poly : poly arh. but not sure!
8. Hair color : Dark Brown (Gatsby Latte)
9. Long or short : Long .
10. Loud or Quiet : Super Loud!!
11. Sweats or Jeans : Jeans. Wat the hell are sweats?!
12. Phone or Camera : Phone.
13. Health freak : Some sort of.

14. Drink or Smoke? : Hmm.. thats for you to guess!
15. Do you have a crush on someone? : if the feeling of always missing someone is a crush, then yeah!

16. Eat or Drink : both lahh..dumb question
17. Piercings :Never in a million years. a joke.
18.Tatoos : Never had one. does temporary ones count?
19. Been in an airplane : Yes. who never?
20. Been in a relationship : Duh! im attractive you know!
21. Been in a car accident : Ya, but i dont know what happened.
22. Been in a fist fight : yeahs! typical boys fight

FIRSTS:
23. First piercing : i told you i dont pierce
24. First best friend : George Koh Swee Seng
25. First award : Singing Competition
26. First crush : i forgot her name
28. First vacation : Kualar Lumpur, Malaysia

LASTS:
29. Last person you talked to : Irdyana Ismail(My Sister)
30. Last person you texted : Hanny Nur' Audi
31. Last person(s) you watched a movie with : Hanny, Mariah, Liyana & mahirah
32. Last food you ate : Maggie
33. Last movie you watched : Hannah Montana The Movie
34. Last song you listened to : And I Am Telling You (Jennnifer Hudson)
35. Last thing you bought : Honey Red Tea
36. Last person you hugged : My Mum

FAVES:
37. Food: Anything that is HALAL
38. Drinks : Green Tea, Honey Red Tea
39. Clothing : Topman, Cotton On, SubZero
40. Books : How To Take The Ex Out Of Your Ex Boyfriend
41. Song : The Climb (Miley Cyrus)
42. Flower : Black Roses- its classy
43. Colours : Black, Green, White
44. Movies : Comedy / love
45. Phrase : 'lame sia'
46. Subjects : Art- i can slack all day!

IN 2008,
47.[_] Kissed in the snow
48.[X] Celebrated Halloween
49.[X] Had your heart broken.
50.[X] Went over the minutes on your cell phone
51.[_] Someone questioned your sexual orientation
52.[_] Came out of the closet
53.[_] Gotten pregnant
54.[_] Had an abortion
55.[X] Done something you've regretted
56.[X] Broke a promise
57.[X] Hid a secret
58.[X] Pretended to be happy
59.[X] Met someone who changed your life
60.[X] Pretended to be sick
61.[X] Left the country
62.[X] Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
63.[X] Cried over the silliest thing
64.[_] Ran a mile
65.[X] Went to the beach with your best friend(s)
66.[_] Stay single the whole year

CURRENTLY:
67. Eating : Durian
68. Drinking : Saliva
69. I'm about to : Bathe
70. Listening to : My older sister crashing the gate doors
71. Plans for tomorrow : Wake up, bathe, change, go school, come back, play comp.
72. Waiting for : money to drop from the sky

YOUR FUTURE:
73. Want kids? : does temporary kids count?
74. Want to get married? : who doesn't? i hope its really soon.
75. Careers in mind : Resort Owner

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRLS
76. Lips or eyes : Eyes
77. Shorter or taller ? : Shorter
78. Romantic or spontaneous : romantic
79. Nice stomach or nice arms : maybe both.
80. Sensitive or loud : LOUD! sensitive girls are boring
81. Hook-up or relationship : Maybe both lahh
82. Trouble-maker or hesitant : none of the above

HAVE YOU EVER :
83. Lost glasses/contacts : yup..lots of it
84. Ran away from home : never lahh..
85. Hold a gun/knife for self defence : yups.. toy ones.
86. Killed somebody : Wanted to but never. wasted
87. Broken someone's heart : Yes,but mine was broken more.
88. Been arrested : never lahh.. im so decent can?!
89. Cried when someone died : depends on who

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself : the only person i believe in right now, besides god
91. Miracles : Yes, it alwasy happen. but not to me
92. Love at first sight : Yes. it happens sometimes
93. Heaven : obviously. thats where i'll be
94. Santa Claus : hmm last time when i was made to look like an idiot believing in him.
95. Sex on the first date : not on the first date :/
96. Kiss on the first date : nahh..thats weird

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now ? :

Yes! i finally realise that she might be the one

98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? :

nope. im all jumbled up not knowing what to do

99. Do you believe in God :

tes! he is the reason everything happened

100. Why take this quiz:
maybe coz i want to know more about myself!

2009-06-16T12:46:00.004+08:00

My Past..Present..Future

great! now you dont even notice that i actually did all those things for you. i gave you everything, and you said that i did not give you love? i stood strong in the relationship giving all the love that i could give. and now you tell me you dont feel it? you kept your secrets and lies, things which i dont even know. what happened to the honesty we use to have? hey you know what, you have u story and i have mine. and both our stories dont form into one. but frankly, i had been honest to you all these while. i got this in return! go ahead and call me a bad boyfriend if you want to. tell your friends that i was not the best a girl could ever get. guess what, im human! im not perfect in every loving way you desire me to be. i wont change myself to be with someone - infact, you should be loving me for who i am, not who you want me to be.

'buat masa sekarang, aku masih tidak boleh membuat keputusan. aku buntu dalam perjalanan hidupku dalam soal cinta. aku masih sedang menderita dengan hubunganku yang baru berakhir. aku seharusnya mendengar nasihat mu untuk berputus dalam hubunganku itu. malahan sekarang aku hanya mampu cuba menghilangkan rasa sedu di dalam hatiku ini. aku takut untuk bercinta lagi. aku takut kerana tidak dapat menjanjikan kebahagian jika kau bersama ku. aku takut. aku hanya mahukan yang terbaik untuk dirimu dan juga aku. berikanlah aku lebih masa untuk aku membaiki semula hidupku. dan bina kembali seseorang yang lebih kukuh. tetapi, dalam dirimu, masih ada orang ketiga. aku tidak pasti siapa dia, tapi aku tahu bahawa dia ada di dalam hati mu. aku perlu kapastian. kalau memanglah kita ditakdirkan bersama, tentu ada jalan untukku ke dalam hatimu.'